16 August 2017

In the 1970s Fender produced a weird unpopular guitar called the “Starcaster”! Whoa!

Here are some old-ass low-res ads for it:

(I guess the Starcaster was a Starmaker too? Whoa knows~)


16 August 2017

For six months I have felt Exhausted and Worn Down and Generally Unwell. I figured I probably had mono. I got blood work done in Portland but nothing came up. I now realize I got it done too early for anything to show up. Reckon there’s an “incubation period” for viruses and the like.

I got good health insurance, don’t you know, so I went down to see my doctor, who is real cool and nice. She ordered labs for me to figure out why I felt like I was trapped inside the body of an 85-year-old man.

(The woman who took my blood asked me what color bandaging I wanted, and I asked if she had purple. She did! I got my arm wrapped in dark purple sticky gauze. I said, “That’s my favorite color right there” and she gave me the whole roll!)

This morning I got an email from my doctor. She confirmed that I have the epstein barr virus . . . that I have mono! Which is now “dormant” and “no longer acute” and I am not contagious or anything like that. Like all viruses, it will live inside of my body for the rest of my life, which is fine with me as long as these lingering residual symptoms clear the fuck up soon. She said it was almost certain they would!

She also sent along this huge document containing all my different levels, or whatever . . . sodium and protein and calcium and potassium and all that stuff. I asked her: “Doc, are my levels good?”

To which she said: “The metabolic panel indicates normal electrolytes, kidney, and liver function. The CBC is also normal and there were no signs of anemia or infection. HIV screen was negative.”

. . . my body, she told me, has built up antibodies toward mono, and so I guess this will probably always show up during lab work. OK!

Who the hell gave me mono? Some jabroni in Portland I reckon. I’m sorry I passed it along to you, A. I thought I didn’t, but I definitely did.

At any rate, I don’t have cancer and I don’t have HIV. I am not anemic. That’s got to count for something.

Yeah well that’s all I got to say about THAT~


Hey what the hell, take a look at this stuff if you want. “EBV” is epstein barr virus aka mono, obviously:

16 August 2017

sittin here listening to ‘loveless’

yeah baby

“when you sleep” over here


. . . i love bilinda butcher (up front) a lot, ok. this picture was i guess taken during THE LOVELESS ERA and oh my god dude

16 August 2017

the ryan who you know, who writes all this garbage day in and day out,  is a huge idiot. i am an idiot. i say so much stupid stuff

inside my head is a calmer and more rational version of myself. it is the voice i hear inside my head, and the voice which keeps me from doing aggressively stupid stuff as opposed to the mildly stupid stuff i muck around with on a daily basis

anyway: there is a sentence i often hear myself create way deep inside my brain where the mainframes and controls and circuitry and all that other shit lives

i hear this sentence when i am anywhere doing anything

the sentence is spoken by the calm and rational ryan, and to me he says this: “what the hell are you doing? we have to get the fuck out of here pronto, bitch”

15 August 2017

Call me Julie Andrews, because These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things:


  • Moby-Dick
  • A Confederacy of Dunces
  • Notes from Underground
  • A Scanner Darkly
  • Slapstick
  • Sirens of Titan
  • Steppenwolf
  • The Sun Also Rises
  • A Farewell to Arms
  • Frankenstein
  • The Book of Chuang Tzu
  • The Count of Monte Cristo


  • Point Blank
  • Badlands
  • The Conversation
  • Kagemusha
  • Throne of Blood
  • Blade Runner
  • Breathless
  • The Long Goodbye
  • The Master
  • Punch-Drunk Love
  • Wild Strawberries
  • Cries and Whispers
  • Persona
  • Ikiru
  • Five Easy Pieces
  • Heist
  • Mulholland Drive
  • Wild at Heart
  • The Thing
  • Chinatown
  • The Lady from Shanghai
  • F for Fake
  • Touch of Evil
  • Stalker
  • Mirror
  • Vertigo
  • Ipcress File


Ah man . . . I don’t feel like making a full list. Here’s a short list I made back in January~

15 August 2017

“Made with ❤ in New York” is very bad and I’m tired of seeing it in the footer of every website lol

15 August 2017

Jeanne Moreau and my hero Orson Welles from ‘Chimes at Midnight’

love y’all

14 August 2017

I posted pictures from this when world-famous French Canadian multimedia artist Laura Rokas was working on it, but I don’t think I ever posted the Completed Thing.

Anyway, here it is!! If you look closely, you can find my cat Dante, my cursed police car the Doomsmobile, and a shooting star that represents a certain dumb Starboy~

14 August 2017

This winter I am going to the East Coast, which is where I’m from. I am going to visit Washington, D.C., Baltimore, New York, Toronto (maybe . . . I think), Montreal and Halifax / Chester. I have friends in these places and I am going to hug them and flash my gold tooth at them and say: “Yeah baby!!”

Here is my Proposed Route:

Contrary to what that map says, I am not going to actually drive 1,858 miles over the course of 30 hours though! I am flying into D.C. and then busing / training my way up to Baltimore and New York and Toronto and Montreal. In Montreal I’m either going to fly or drive to Nova Scotia . . . I don’t know yet! My friend Kate, who I’m staying with in Halifax / Chester, told me that it’s a long-ass drive, and possibly excruciatingly boring, but I don’t care. I wanna drive alone through Canada in a rental car so bad I wanna scream. Though, if any of you out there in TV land want to tag along for any of this madness, you’re more than welcome to. Do it!!

I don’t have a family, not really, so I will spend Christmas in New York City I think. I may go to Boston after that . . . but who knows. After that it’s all Canada though. I ain’t been to NYC in six (!) years, and I haven’t been back to Canada in even longer. I’m excited as hell. Maybe once I get home I can finally die!

Just kidding sort of~