26 March 2014

I know now how I will age: gaunt face and darker eye sockets and all the signs of extreme exhaustion

26 March 2014

oh god all the terrible things i’ve written in the dark

26 March 2014

She sighed. “Oh, God, to be in the flyship cruising through the void. That’s what I long for: an infinite void. With no human voices, no human smells, no human jaws masticating plastic chewing gum in nine iridescent colors.”

25 March 2014

CASPER LOCKETT

FEELING WEIRD

WALKED INTO HIS LIVING ROOM

AND OPENED THE BLINDS.

WHAT HE SAW WAS THIS,

SPELLED OUT IN FLAMES

IN THE RUINS OF THE DEAD CITY BELOW:

“THE REWARD FOR PATIENCE IS DEATH”

21 March 2014

what in god’s name am i doing awake

it’s 5:30 a.m. pacific standard time

for god’s sake

i cried for the first time in a year a few minutes ago and it was so great

it wasn’t a sad cry, just a nice neutral one

one of those “look dude you need to cry or your body is going to explode” cries

lord almighty

what do i need to make that happen again

seriously please email me with tips

19 March 2014

I guess a lot of people want to have cool sex and own nice things but all I want is for a fucking whale to kill me

18 March 2014

you’re asleep in the other room and i’m leaving tomorrow and you’ll never read this anyway so whatever:

a lot of those jerks back home would throw you under the bus in a god damn second but i sure wouldn’t

also they say a lot of cruel things about me and maybe some of those things are true but mostly they’re wrong

good-bye i love you

18 March 2014

I want to say to a lot of people, “Please, I’m not a stranger. For god’s sake, just talk to me the way you always did”

18 March 2014

I’m always worried that someone is mad at me

I don’t want anyone to be mad at me

18 March 2014

A few hours ago I was standing on a bridge overlooking the highway. I had just come from UT campus and was staring at traffic.

In my peripheral vision I saw a police officer in an SUV pull up at a nearby stoplight and stay there for several green light cycles. I figured he was probably on his computer or something.

Eventually he flashed his lights and parked on the curb a few feet away. I looked his way and he motioned for me to come over to him.

“You OK, man?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Looked like you were about to jump.”

“Jump off the bridge? What? I was just looking at the cars.”

“I don’t know, man. Looked bad from where I was.”

“Oh, no. I used to live here is all. It’s my last night and I was walking around. I used to like to watch the traffic on the highway.”

“You going to sleep tonight?”

“Eventually.”

“You know there’s a . . . there’s a 24-hour coffee shop around the corner.”

“Yeah, Bennu. That’s where I’m going.”

“Or Kerbey Lane. You could go eat at Kerbey Lane. But you probably know all the places to go.”

“Yeah.”

“You could go there and think or something.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, we get jumpers is all. Kids jump. It happens. Just had to check.”

He took my license and wrote down my name and address. He asked me if California was nice. I said “yes.” Then he took down my phone number and drove away.

highwaybluez