Stuff like this is poison. If I could find the guy who came up with this, I would hire a sumo wrestler to take a dump on his car.

Anyone who says writing is therapeutic is a god damn liar

One of the reasons I’m absolutely going to be alone for the rest of my life is that I can’t stand hearing someone’s heartbeat. I can barely stand to hear my own! God, that freaks me out so much.

Making out is cool

Sex is dumb as hell

Heartbeats are terrifying

Yeah!

There’s no way I’m the only person who gets down on his knees before bed to thank the unfeeling machines who cook and package the food I eat right