Oh, God. I have known multiple people who refer to their girlfriends as “the girlfriend” or “the GF” or “the girl.” It makes my skin crawl. Just say her name, dude, or drop the “the” and say “my girlfriend.” Even my ex-girlfriend refers to her boyfriend as simply “boyfriend” (no “the”) and I wonder what the heck is up with that.

What’s up with that!!

Also: “My partner” is never going to sound natural to me. After all these years it still sounds off. I mean, hell, don’t let me stop you from using it. It just makes this sort of grinding noise in my head when I hear it and I don’t know why. Maybe because it sounds like you’re a police detective talking about your partner? Ahhh I don’t know.

“Significant other” is dumb too. It’s too long.

What about “my special friend”? Hah! That one kind of rules.

Or just never enter into a monogamous relationship in the first place??? I’m taking that route~

Many of you have emailed me in the last two months. I want you to know that I have set aside two (2) 5mg time-release capsules of Adderall for the explicit purpose of answering those emails in one (1) sitting. Tomorrow I will wake at 1 p.m. Pacific Standard Time (PST) and do just that. Please anticipate it!

I will also make a liter of green tea, you see, and I will consume all of it while I am seated at my desk. A little bit of caffeine mixed with these good and useful amphetamines will course through my body, allowing me to finally Get The Job Done.

Anyway: Kiss kiss! So long for now, punks!!

Kerwin came to town. He took a picture of me worshipping fire.

“To walk toward the dawn
You must put your slippers on.”

If you can afford it, you should move to the city where all your friends are.

If you already live in the city where all your friends are, you should stay there.

I can hear 30 police sirens outside, which means I must be in Oakland. I am! If you’re in the Bay Area too, let’s hang out!!