31 October 2017

I went to a Halloween party at my friend Lael’s on Friday. It was pretty good. I reckon I knew just about everyone there. OAKLAND is REAL SMALL like that. My friend Hannah painted me in DEATH MAKE-UP aka SKELETON HEAD in exchange for a drink on a yet-to-be-decided date!! (She initially maybe jokingly asked for a foot massage as payment but I . . . swiftly turned her down!)

We all went up on Lael’s roof and drank a bunch of crappy beer and did our fair share of HOOTIN and HOLLERIN and so on. I miscalcuated how much I had had to drink, which I almost never do, and so I ended up feeling creeped out and depressed and I left without saying anything.

On my way home, far gone and rotted out and seemingly moving in slow motion, I visited landmarks which were once important to me:

. . . and I saw this cool house:

I then walked to a nearby tennis court and felt bad about everything I had ever done in my whole life!!!!

30 October 2017

i’ll be honest, and please don’t tell anyone: most days i pretty much can’t wait to die lol

30 October 2017

‘point blank’ is one of my favorite movies

it’s real good stuff

i watched it last night because i was feeling rotten as hell and maybe out of my mind

so apparently in the original script, walker (lee marvin!) was supposed to have a conversation with his estranged wife lynne (sharon acker!), but when they went to rehearse it, lee marvin just stayed silent and let sharon acker say her lines

they filmed it this way!

so she’s just saying this stuff out loud and walker is unresponsive

he never says anything to her again for the rest of the movie for reasons that i won’t spoil. . . !

that’s so cool~

27 October 2017

hey just fyi i’ve been sailing through the multiverse every night while y’all’s sleeping

and the bad news is that ALL POSSIBLE UNIVERSES ARE BAD

so sit back, relax, and die

what the hell else were you going to do?? pray for world peace????

thank’s bye

27 October 2017

i wrote this in march:

By the time my father was my age, he had had a career for 11 years, owned a house, owned a car, and had two children.

Meanwhile: I own a GameCube, sleep on the floor, play pool with college kids at 4 in the morning, and have watched ‘Blade Runner’ probably 70 times.

my father, who is now 61 years old, has i guess what you might call a really good life, as far as lives go. he lives in a paid-off house with two paid-off cars in the driveway, and he lives near his parents and his sisters, and has a dog and some cats and a nice pension and premium health insurance for the rest of his life because he retired on disability. he worked his whole life for it and now he has it

i guess none of us are retiring, huh, so maybe it’s useless to imagine things like that for ourselves

i don’t want my father’s life at all, but i am also haunted by the unplaceable terror of knowing that i’m probably going to always have less and less than i did before

good thing my retirement plan is to die alone at night in a snowstorm at the bottom of the world lol

27 October 2017

sometimes, whether they mean to or not, people will sort of reveal their deepest insecurities to me

and i get so sad seeing them in so much pain

i think about these people all the time and how i wish there was something i could do to spare them that pain

but of course there’s nothing you can do to talk someone out of an insecurity

and of course you can’t save them

i just try to be a good friend to them, and i don’t judge them at all

i mean what else can you really do, when you get down to it

i’m insecure about things too

and i appreciate it when people are understanding of that

i have remembered how nice that feeling is, to be understood and not judged, and so i try to be thing for other people too

26 October 2017

this will come as a surprise to no one, but for some reason the phrase “date night” activates my gag reflex

24 October 2017

Man, I’ve been listening to ol Brian Eno for a long-ass time. That dude is great. ACCORDING TO ITUNES: I have listened to ‘Another Green World’ over 300 times (!)~

Well I guess he put out this thing called REFLECTION in 2016 . . . and hey! I like it. I’ve been doing this thing every night where I put it on at a low volume like 20 minutes before I go to sleep, and then loop it all night long. It’s still playing when I wake up in the morning. It’s cool!

Dude invented AMBIENT MUSIC, ok. Or at least he popularized it and gave it a name.

All the ambient stuff he’s made is real good. I was reading his website and he’s talking about that there Reflection, and he says he makes this sort of stuff to use as “thinking music”. Cool!!

Dude has made a bunch of stuff, but here are some of the Hot Albums I listen to all the time:

Now go on! Git! Put on these Hot Albums and think about some sh*t, why don’tcha!!!!