oh yeah matt and i went to portland

it sucked

that place sucks

we rented a cadillac and drove up there

that part was cool

monty took these in some old people bar

for those of us who weren’t born with rich parents, allow me to sum of the totality of human existence for you:

yup! bye lol

‘five easy pieces’ is one of my favorite movies

there’s a real good scene where these pseudo-intellectual dickholes are sitting around jerking each other off about art and philosophy and language and so on

jack nicholson, who plays this dude named bobby, and who is not very nice to his girlfriend karen black, who plays this lady named rayette, nonetheless defends her when one these jerkholes sort of picks on her for her unworldliness:

JERKHOLE: . . . But it was just what I was trying to point out—

BOBBY: Don’t sit there pointing at her.

JERKHOLE: I beg your pardon?

BOBBY: I said don’t point at her, you creep.

JERKHOLE: But I was just telling about—

BOBBY: Where do you get the ass to tell anybody anything about class, or who the hell’s got it, or what she typifies? You shouldn’t even be in the same room with her, you pompous celibate. You’re totally full of shit! You’re allllll full of shit.

YOU POMPOUS CELIBATE

duuuuudddeeeeeeee

yes

the little green spider who was living in my room left

i woke up this morning and her web was empty

LOOK: i know i have no dog in this fight . . . and for the sake of everyone i should just never make observations about this cheesedick planet ever again

i ought to go off and die, is what i ought to do

but for GOD’S SAKE: can we please come together as a species, as a so-called civilized people, and agree to stop commenting on a woman’s instagram picture with “Stunning.”

i have never in my life felt the urge to use this stupid word

again: this doesn’t personally affect me, but it’s so head-up-your-own-ass feeling that it makes me sick, and i see it EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE

gonna go out on a limb and say that probably nobody has ever thought that actually means anything

nobody has ever absorbed that word and felt glad

“Stunning.”

get bent, you cheese-eating cockroach idiot

bear thee grimly, demigod

EARLIER TONIGHT, OUTSIDE THE EMERYVILLE BAY STREET HOME DEPOT:

KID: (passing by) Hey dude! Dude! Mister!

RYAN: (turning around) Howzzat?

KID: Dude, gimme your A’s cap! Please!

RYAN: I like this hat.

KID: C’mon, man!

RYAN: You gotta get your own, little dude.

KID: Aww!

RYAN: You don’t want this one, man. Trust me. It smells like a dead dude took a dump in it.