02 August 2018

Well: I’m having a “””party””” at my fortified compound on the Oakland-Berkeley border at the end of the month. In reality it is a mock-funeral for Kermit the Frog that we will approach with total sincerity. I have purchased a Kermit puppet, and Matt and I are building a Kermit-sized coffin from balsa wood. We will dress him in a little suit and put green felt over his eyes so it looks like he’s sleeping his forever sleep.

Kermit will be resting in his coffin at the front of the room. Next to him will be a pulpit made out of cardboard where a brief sermon will be held. Everyone is welcome to come up and say a few words about the deceased. On the TV will be a slideshow of Kermit’s life, probably stills from all the Muppets movies, while an instrumental of ‘Rainbow Connection’ plays in the background.

Maybe it goes without saying that everyone will be dressed in their finest funeral attire.

A wake will follow! There will be a bunch of food and shit. I’m going to fill our gigantic sink with ice and put a bunch of beer in there.

RIP Kermit!!!! We love you, dude.

Are you in THE BAY AREA? Come on by. For those of you I know already: you will receive a formal invitation in the mail in the next week or so. I got postcards made!

I’ve wanted to do this for like four years. Originally my idea was to build a human-sized coffin that everyone took turns lying in, and then we’d get up at the pulpit and say nice things about that person as if they were dead. But with Kermit we have delved into “””performance art””” territory . . . and I guess that’s cooler. Yeah.

Seeya there~~ ☆彡