To the woman in NW Portland who stole my favorite scarf: please, for God’s sake, can you toss it in a trashcan and send me the GPS coordinates? I love that scarf and I want it back! Hell: I’ve trained myself to not get too sentimental about material objects, but if you’ve still got it lying around your apartment or in your car or whatever, why not just tie it to a tree or throw it on the sidewalk and send me a picture of a nearby landmark?

If not: I will purchase a new one at Uniqlo when I’m in the Bay next week. And I won’t be happy about it either just so you know!!