Does anyone wanna be my roommate? I live in a fortified compound on the Oakland-Berkeley border with my cat Dante, and I have a backyard and a gigantic TV and nice soap and stuff like that. And, being a fortified compound, I live behind a BLACK GATE that is huge and beautiful. What else. . . . I have an endless supply of tea and coffee and incense, and it’s not the cheap stuff either. Listen: I get the good stuff. I also have a ton of books and movies, and about twenty pounds of jasmine rice, for whatever that’s worth. . . .
(PLEASE NOTE: I’m never living with a dude again . . . at least not a straight one! So uh, take that into consideration, and all that. Which is to say: please don’t be a fucking dude!!!)
Yeah?? I’m serious as a god darn heart attack.
. . . and be quick! Because I’m already drafting a novel-length Craigslist ad, and it’s gonna be a hot one. Listen: I’ve done this a few times in my life, and they’re always Hot Ones. The kids go for that, near as I can tell!!!