What a gorgeous god damn country! Where a man can go to sleep at 5:45 in the morning and hear crickets and have smoke waft in through the window . . . the spooky kind of smoke, which makes movies and music and walking and talking and eating feel real good.
a skeleton walked in wearing a leather jacket
and we watched as the remaining flesh
slid right off the bone
I’m actually very terrified that I’m going to be like this forever
And by “like this” I mean a dreary-looking time-rotten quasi-adult who hasn’t been hugged in six months or something and who listens to Madonna’s greatest hits at 4 a.m.
Jesus, will someone please give me a hug
“Borderline” is a great song by the way (I think I decided it is my favorite Madonna song today)
Seriously, though: I really need a hug
Or could someone rest their head on my chest and listen to my heartbeat for a few minutes
I need to know if I am real or alive or whatever
We can listen to Madonna while this happens if that’s OK
do you want the reality? or do you want me to make the reality sound nicer or more interesting? am i even capable of doing that?
I had gone to Target because I didn’t want to be at home and because I wanted to feel as horribly isolated and alone as possible. When I got into the place I made a beeline for the toy aisle and went into the one with the yellow walls—yellow denoting “neutral” toys, the other aisles being some garish pink and some terrible blue, because apparently boys and girls can’t play with the same toys unless they’re weird and hard to categorize.
Of course I immediately took the cat keyboard off the shelf. I always take the cat keyboard off the shelf. The cat keyboard is a child’s music-thing shaped like a cat’s grinning face. Its teeth are the keys. If you press the “meow” button the keyboard produces notes using synthesized cat meows. It is the best thing they sell. It is the best thing anyone sells.
I held it there with my left hand and pressed the keys with my right. It wasn’t enough to keep the meows to myself. I wanted to share them with the world. So I stepped out of the aisle and stood there in that big-ass through lane near the electronics section. That’s when I saw you coming towards me holding a half gallon of milk and a bag of apples. You had on a big weird jacket and your hair was red as hell. I thought you were a good-looking person. Meanwhile other bad-looking people were passing by, either ignoring me or giving me hateful glances, maybe because they’re not having any fun at all and can’t stand the sight of someone else trying to have some, but you laughed and smiled at me when you got close. And when you did I played the first few notes to “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”.
Girl, I played those notes for you. I just wanted you to know.
Keep twinkling, baby.
i gave up and went home
I know now how I will age: gaunt face and darker eye sockets and all the signs of extreme exhaustion
oh god all the terrible things i’ve written in the dark
She sighed. “Oh, God, to be in the flyship cruising through the void. That’s what I long for: an infinite void. With no human voices, no human smells, no human jaws masticating plastic chewing gum in nine iridescent colors.”
WALKED INTO HIS LIVING ROOM
AND OPENED THE BLINDS.
WHAT HE SAW WAS THIS,
SPELLED OUT IN FLAMES
IN THE RUINS OF THE DEAD CITY BELOW:
“THE REWARD FOR PATIENCE IS DEATH”