Well: I think I’m going to redesign this website . . . or rather I’m going to completely wipe out the invisible machinery holding it all in place, and modernize it, and so on, even though none of you can see it, or could possibly care about it. Hah! It’s time, you know, what with all the weeks and months that have passed since I last retooled this thing. When was that? It was February four years ago I think, when I found myself in a forest dark, which is to say in the lukewarm bathwater equivalent of a city, being Portland. Oh, god, what a time that was! What a disaster. I promised my lawyer and my therapist that I would stop mentioning my ill-fated catastrophe year in Portland in any capacity, even and especially within my own internal narrative, so yeah. The point is that it’s been a while since ol Starsailor Dot Co got some work done under the hood. It’s getting downright creaky. I’m sure there have been numerous technological advances in the WordPress development community since I, homeless and destitute, coded this thing out of sheer desperation while rain-soaked and hellbent on my own destruction, sitting alone in a coffee shop in miserable wintry Oregon. It was a lot of work. It was good work. I’d like to do it all over again on safer shores. Maybe I can make it so everything loads quicker. Yeah? I don’t know. There have got to be other benefits, both real and imagined. At any rate it’s nice to work on this thing. Makes you feel like you did something, et cetera.

As far as What It Will Look Like: it will mostly look the same. To me this is the ideal layout for what I use it for, in the same way the formatting of a newspaper or a book are ideal for their respective content. This website is designed to display lonely diatribes about my deepest fears and delusions, often polka-dotted with screencaps from black and white movies nobody cares about . . . and it is meant to be easy on the eyes, and to be read in bed at night, and so on. My website is for creeps and losers just like me, OK? I don’t want it to be any more complicated than it need be. It looks exactly the way it’s supposed to look, more or less. It will always look like this. I’ve just decided that this is what it is. It’s pretty much always looked like this for all eight of the godforsaken years that it has haunted the internet, and every now and then I’ve iterated, though probably only I would notice these changes. Mostly I have taken away—have sheered off the auxiliary trimmings that distracted from my ghoulish master plan of complaining about my manifested nightmares until the day I die! I’ve got me a little dancing skeleton of a website, is what I’m saying, with me swinging from the ribcage a-hootin and a-hollerin all the way to oblivion. OK??

Though yeah, I’m gonna clean it up a little, the whole damn thing. I’ve got some ideas written down that I’ve been meaning to try out for like . . . years. I’m pretty sure the world is ending, so the timing couldn’t be better.

You know what? I think I’m going to create a subdomain and just start building the new website in real-time. I’ll even link to it somewhere and you can watch as I build it?? If you want to?? I don’t know what sort of jerk would be interested in something like that . . . though hell, who am I to judge, because I am precisely that sort of jerk. That there is some wholesome web content, after all, when most everything else is an ocean of absolute toxic waste. And who knows!! Maybe you’ll learn something! And I as well! Together: We Will Learn, right out here in the wide open world.

•   •   •


I am about to do something with my life that you might consider big and dumb and stupid. Maybe, by the time you notice what I have done, you will roll your eyes, because you’ll have seen it coming all along. I sure feel that way, and I haven’t even done the thing yet. Why am I teasing something that I don’t plan to reveal just yet? Who knows! I can get away with it because this is my stupid website. If you don’t like it, get your own stupid website, you creep! Though yeah, it involves an APPRENTICESHIP in a WEIRD PLACE . . . and baby, I can’t wait. God, I was designed for this mystery job, ever since I first hatched out of that meteor 500 years ago. I’ll write more about it soon. I’ll shriek it out from on high, even, just for the hell of it. Who cares?

Oh yeah! Laura’s sister Helen is visiting me in Berlin by the way:

We’ve been seeing a lot of cool stuff!!

OK I’m going to bed now~