THAT’S BECAUSE
WE KNOW WHAT WE WANT

AND WE DON’T MIND
BEING ALONE

i was just thinking that, in the seven years total that i was in Serious Longterm Relationships with people, the sex never got boring / routine

so there you have it

not bad, et cetera

i’m ok

i’m all right

i’m bummed as hell but i’m taking care of myself and getting a lot done

i also can’t sleep more than 20 minutes without being ejected from a very intense nightmare

6 a.m. EST over here

🙁

yes

yes

just wanna go on record for the 100th time and say that i have no hate in my heart for anyone on this entire rotten planet.

please, spirit (here i address the spectre which visits me in that place between wakefulness and sleep)

please spirit hear me: let this be a nightmare

wake me up! i want to be woken up

spirit don’t turn away from me

for god’s sake man i need you

ok i think i got a studio apartment in hyde park in austin, texas

it is cheaper than my bedroom in oakland

it has a pool (very important in texas)

it has hardwood floors

it is next to a 24-hour grocery store (i go grocery shopping drunk at 2 a.m. pretty much exclusively)

it is five blocks from my old house

there is a cool convenience store nearby

there is a bakery

there is a really good vegetarian restaurant

i’m back, baby

i’m back

come and get a piece of this because it won’t last (we all die, et cetera (lol))

three years of relationships that lasted no more than four or five days

jesus christ, guys

if you can help it don’t do that

part of me wanted to do it

that part is horrendously stupid

it has been a long dark time

i’d like for it to end now

you try to forget that you’re a person, and that you have a name, and a personality, and so on

it’s easier to gut yourself and try to be an empty experience-having machine

and it kind of works for a little while

and then you remember all those times a nice warm human body was wrapped around yours and it’s hard to stick with that mindset for long.