24 May 2019

well, it’s the weekend, and you know what that means: time to do a bunch of drugs and hang out with people who don’t care about me lol

23 May 2019

The thing with Dickie . . . it’s like the sun shines on you, and it’s glorious. And then he forgets you and it’s very, very cold. When you have his attention, you feel like you’re the only person in the world. That’s why everybody loves him so much.

23 May 2019

man maybe i’ve just done so much acid that i’ve taken on a sort of flattened, top-down, sim-city-ass cosmic view of human beings (lol) . . . but i can pretty much get along with anyone as long as they’re not a fucking asshole

22 May 2019

i have got to get my chemicals back! every single time i ever go to LA, i have a real good time for most of it, and then right there at the tail end i experience this massive serotonin drain. usually i’m driving back or flying or whatever and there is just none of that stuff left in my head. this compounds over the next few days until my mind is as much of a desert as LA is. i love that stupid place— that strange sad dream! but there is definitely something creepy and horrifying about it that i cannot shake later. i’ll bear witness to something truly sad . . . or more than likely a trillion micro-sadnesses, and it gets in me and i stop laughing and go home to deal with it. but then of course i go back into it again a few months later because i really do like that place, what with it being a bizarro dimension in the same vein as las vegas. still: what the hell is this? why can’t i just have it all??

22 May 2019

sarah took these when we were trying to find h-mart lol

21 May 2019

i’m not going to say who this is. but recently someone i know handed me their phone so i could text myself some pictures they had just taken of us.

“i got a new phone a while back so i’m not sure if i still have your number.”

i started typing in my phone number, and i was in there. my name was “Ryan Current”.

well: i sure did feel like fucking horseshit just then!

i don’t blame them. i’m not mad at this person at all. i like this person a whole lot even. but it definitely contributed to the overall impression i’ve gotten lately from a few people that i’m just a disposable piece of trash.