have i finally reached event horizon foolishness, which always seemed like an inevitability? i think so. professing myself to be sincere, i became a fool. and yet i am, like the fella said, a deliberate, intentional fool, and that’s the worst kind. or didn’t you know? such is my tale. a fool does foolish things and, as with life and death itself, you must make terms with it, and then you are free. being free to be a fool is beautiful. too bad it costs you your dignity first

Gego is moving in with me for the month of November . . . a badly needed roommate in these Dark Days, here at the end of all things . . .

she had said: “the castle is safer with ryan inside of it”

we’re famous at the karaoke bar . . .

i love gego . . .

Last night McCune (Irish-American) and I met up with Elina (Estonian) and Alina (Ukrainian) at Alter Roter in Neukölln to have A DRINK or TWO before heading to Kino Rollberg to see HALLOWEEN (1978), which neither of the ‘Linas had seen. Elina, who is terminally Gen Z, and thus only watches movies if I put one on, loved it. She had a kind of subtle religious experience you hope someone will have when you show them something cool. It made me feel a little better about The Dark Future . . .

Later, McCune said: “How do you know so many cool people?!” to which I replied: “I guess I’m just lucky that way!!”

. . . “I WANT TO LIVE” WAS SPUN FROM THE THREADS OF A SPIDERWEB. IT TAKES SO LITTLE, SO INFINITELY LITTLE, FOR SOMEONE TO FIND HIMSELF ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE BORDER, WHERE EVERYTHING—LOVE, CONVICTIONS, FAITH, HISTORY—NO LONGER HAS MEANING. THE WHOLE MYSTERY OF HUMAN LIFE RESIDES IN THE FACT THAT IT IS SPENT IN THE IMMEDIATE PROXIMITY OF, AND EVEN IN DIRECT CONTACT WITH, THAT BORDER, THAT IT IS SEPARATED FROM IT NOT BY KILOMETERS BUT BY BARELY A MILLIMETER.

. . . IT TAKES SO LITTLE, A TINY PUFF OF AIR, FOR THINGS TO SHIFT IMPERCEPTIBLY, AND WHATEVER IT WAS THAT A MAN WAS READY TO LAY DOWN HIS LIFE FOR A FEW SECONDS EARLIER SEEMS SUDDENLY TO BE SHEER NONSENSE.

wow . . . it’s my girlfriend!