this will come as a surprise to absolutely no one, but as it turns out, combining an edible and a melatonin pill just before going to sleep sure does turn your brain into a fucking haunted house

i say this as i now enter month six of an insane and unscientific experiment to tunnel as far down into the thing as i can

talk about going down to skeleton town. i don’t recommend it!

It is such a sadness to me to slowly realize that I have believed the myths of my life, and that I somehow poisoned the well of my own memories through years of secret daydreaming. Maybe this is difficult to explain. But with horror I have come to understand that I have greatly romanticized eras of my life, have made them huge when in reality they only existed for a little while, and if viewed coldly and objectively, these places in time that I seem to recall so vividly are not ones I would return to if given the opportunity. I have been dishonest with myself out of self-preservation. I’m always dreaming, and so I have made my past into a dream so that I have someplace to go. It felt harmless at first, but it is true that I have grown increasingly disoriented by what I guess you might call dueling realities. It’s just that the alternative feels to me like such a grim place to be.

All those places I used to know are now just dark streets in Oakland, and all those people I used to know are phantoms. Stripped of meaning, and cursed with remembering, I am laden with this heaviness that I can’t seem to get out from under.

christina and brandon and their dog pocket at bushrod park today

yeah baby . . . it’s skeleton season 💀

it’s getting spooky out there

also some of y’all are about to get some letters with these new stickers i made

ok

good-night ☆彡

This is just to say that I have been working on a long post, which is something like several thousands of words now. It has been a while since I did one of these. I want to start doing them again . . . it just takes a little while to write them is all.

Anyway here’s a Halloween house I saw last night when I was stoned and walking around North Berkeley:

. . . and here is a cool movie I watched when I got back:

Yeah. Prescient. Or maybe just the evergreen status of planet earth.

I’m working on it! OK? I’m not just jerking around over here, at least not full-time. . . .

I know there’s a lot going on but I needed to get this off my chest pic.twitter.com/enaKUYOY0l

— Nick Lutsko (@NickLutsko) October 7, 2020

This right here is My Kind of Stuff. It’s the exact sort of thing I think is really funny. I don’t know. I think this guy rules. I want to make stuff that feels like this.

(Also, man . . . it’s kind of lame I can’t just embed a video from Twitter, but whatever. I assure you the CLICK is WORTH IT.)

((Wait. It appears to work on mobile?? Uhh well there you go.))

OK I made a new shirt . . . I am going to order one for myself tomorrow. I’m just having fun making these things is all. Who cares??

I feel like absolute dog shit. I’ll get out from under it somehow. But for now I’m just HAULIN’ ASS. Yeah!!!