16 November 2018

i’ll tell ya sometimes when i take a look at ya i keep a-lookin and a-lookin

i wanna feel your little body against me so bad i think i’m gonna bust

i keep tryin to tell ya in a lot of different ways

well i tell ya somethin i got poetry in me

i do! i got poetry in me

but i ain’t gonna put it down on paper

i ain’t no educated man

i got sense enough not to try it!

15 November 2018

i have this terrible inescapable thought that everyone knows but me, and that soon it will be revealed to me, and of course it will rip me to shreds. i always notice microscopic changes in the way people talk to me and i have come to understand what certain changes in tone indicate as far as the future is concerned. there is a casualness or a vagueness that scares me . . . this sort of barrier of de-familiarization between what we had before and what comes next, which is almost always worse than what came before.

listen: i just don’t want to get hurt is all, you know?

15 November 2018

the sea of eden is filled with ultimate intelligence.
you can’t go there unless you’re truly ready.
it’s a place where you can touch the truth of the universe.
going there may bring sorrow.

ryan, you’ve stood on the eight power spots of the earth.
from these, you created magicant, the realm of your mind.
in magicant, there’s beauty, kindness, sorrow, and hatred.
of course, there’s an evil and violent side of you.
the sea of eden sits at the center of those feelings.
it takes you to the truth about yourself.

i still feel pain where you wounded me.

(i’m just a faint memory. you don’t usually remember me.
but you’ve heard my song in the back of your mind.)

look at the sun.
face the sun and smile . . .

15 November 2018

I was not a modern man, nor an old-fashioned one either. I had escaped time altogether, and went my way, with death at my elbow and death as my resolve. I had no objection to sentimentalities. I was glad and thankful to find a trace of anything like a feeling still remaining in my burned-out heart.