I created a website for Bex’s band lifepath99 . . . I still need to TWEAK some things, and I think I will change the body font, but it’s functional! Click / tap the four “lifepath99″s to go to the other pages . . .

I wonder how many websites I have created . . . probably dozens. I’ve been making them since I was 10 years old, which was 28 years ago. Oh my god.

Anyway: if you want me to make something for you, LET ME KNOW. I’ll do it! I would love to have something to do so that I can stop sitting around thinking about stuff. As soon as I start thinking, it’s all over. Self-preservation has never been a strong suit of mine, but as I am unkillable (and perhaps immortal), this curse of memory and endless existence has left me with a lot of time to kill until Judgment Day.

gego n me

I recently had a strange experience where an ex-girlfriend said essentially this same thing to me, and I responded essentially the same way . . . only afterward did I realize it! And I remembered we had watched INHERENT VICE twice (INHERENT TWICE) that summer we dated, so it made sense in a way. We basically were Shasta and Doc! Maybe that had crept into her mind.

There is a reason I was ALWAYS TRUE. It was not an accident.

I told her that a long time ago now, she had permanently changed something in me that I ought not articulate here. But it’s true. I knew it was happening while it was happening. Yet for some reason I had never told her that before. I reckoned that if someone pushed me into the U-bahn tracks tomorrow, I’d go to the grave without her ever knowing what she had done to me (you know, in a good way!), and so I told her. I have wondered what that felt like. Maybe it was a heavy thing to lay on someone. But I don’t expect anything in return, or any particular reaction. That isn’t the point. It is just enough that she knows.

Yeah, that too . . .

*extinguishes a cigarette in a cup of lukewarm coffee*

Something has happened recently where my friends keep recruiting me to stand in a front of a camera (or microphone) and say stuff. I suppose this sort of thing is bound to happen when you are a beloved world-famous celebrity who owns both a nice cinema camera and microphone . . .

It began with Elina forcing me to star in a little commercial for the company where she was interning. (She is currently asleep in my bed, having shown up last night and insisting she was going to stay over since my apartment is closer to her job, which isn’t really a job at all . . . she’s still showing up for her aforementioned internship and working for free simply to be with her boyfriend, who is a paid employee there. Hah!)

Anyway, I don’t think I ever posted it here, so behold:

Listen: don’t blame me for the Gen Z-ass editing. That was all her . . .

Shortly after, Sister Isabella had me co-star in two commercials for her new small business. In both videos, she brutally murders me:

P.S. I recently added both her and her cat Gego to my sidebar. Gego’s sickeningly smug photo takes you to his Instagram, and Isabella stepping over my dead body links to her small business:

Anyway: now comes Nora, who is having a Halloween party at her place in Brooklyn. I actually went to a Halloween party there last year, but since I am currently living in self-exile in Europe and have no intention of ever visiting New York again, I can’t make it this year . . . I’ll be in London with Bex and Olivetti instead.

Though yeah: she had an idea this year to create a phone number you can call, which takes you to a voicemail message with details about the party. It’s like a party hotline! She asked me to write a short script and record the audio for it. In other words, I’m the voice on the other end of the phone. People sometimes ask me to be the voice for their voicemail message. For many years, Laura’s voicemail message has been me doing an impression of David Lynch. I love doing stuff like this. And so I did it!

She gave me a few details and told me the party’s theme is HELL. We already live in Hell, and so such a party would essentially be a Hell within a Hell . . . a Double Hell. But then again, it’s only for one night, and it is a party, after all. If you’re gonna burn, you may as well try to make the best of it.

I couldn’t sleep last night, so I recorded it early this morning. I had absolutely no idea if it was any good or not, but I did my best anyway. What else can you do? I fired it off to Nora and went to sleep. Upon hearing it all the way in Algeria where she’s currently camped out, she said this:

Thought I: “Wow!”

And then she sent me the reactions from her roommates, who are co-hosting the party:

Ain’t that nice? :,)

It was her idea to add the HALLOWEEN theme in the background, which was a good idea. Here it is . . . with her address blocked out:

Well: Elina’s twelve alarms keep going off and she keeps snoozing them, so I suppose I will wake her up in a few minutes and make her breakfast, and then walk her to the train station and see her off to work, where she makes no money and probably makes out with her boyfriend in a broom closet during their lunch break. Maybe I’ll try to sleep for a few hours when I get home. My sleep schedule is completely fucked and I need to somehow fix it soon, on account of McCune is staying with me for something like two weeks not long from now. And so I must straighten myself out. I told Julia earlier tonight that my goal is to get back to four a.m. instead of . . . seven a.m.! I guess we’ll all find out together if I’m able to pull it off. Probably not!

FINALLY . . .

Did you know you can hire me, for free, to do things for you? It’s true! Anyway, I added “voice acting” and “celebrity guest appearance” to my list of pro-bono services, so have at it . . .

last night i had a dream about emily, whom i dated a long time ago now . . .

ok why is this a thing???

love doing this

If I have fully diagnosed the cause and nature of your condition, you are wasting away in pining and longing for your former good fortune. It is the loss of this which, as your imagination works upon you, has so corrupted your mind. I know the many disguises of that monster, Fortune, and the extent to which she seduces with friendship the very people she is striving to cheat, until she overwhelms them with unbearable grief at the suddenness of her desertion.

boethius

A few days ago I wrote about a band called Those Darlins. In this thing I wrote, I mentioned my friends Carrie and Linwood. I realized I not had spoken to either of them in years, and so today I reached out from across the cold divide of the universe to say hello. That usually works out for me!

Carrie responded first:

. . . and an hour later, Linwood did too:

I was not surprised that they had responded . . . these were, after all, Old Friends. But what intrigued me was that they both mentioned having been reminded of me recently. I had the same sensation, which is what prompted me to write about that time in my life I had spent with them.

Back in July I wrote about the frequent phenomenon I experience where I’ll think about someone and feel an impulse to text them, and then they’ll say something like this:

I have The Gift. Why does this happen to me so often? I wonder. Does it happen to you too . . . ?

At any rate: I love ESP. It’s real. Sorry everyone. I love it!

Listen . . . y’all gotta cool it with this! Especially Bex!! God forbid a dude’s friends are 95% women!!!