like a fever, or a daydream
like a fever, or a daydream
last night i had a dream that i met a hot goth girl who was wearing the same denim jacket as mine, and who also had the same psychomania pin i have on my lapel:
i was so excited to meet someone who also loves psychomania. and upon waking i felt that little sadness that she was purely my own subconscious invention. oh well~
p.s. have you seen the intro to psychomania? it’s one of my favorite things:
laura and i came up with this over christmas when we were rewatching the lord of the rings. i STUMBLED UPON IT while going through my phone earlier
anyway i think it’s pretty accurate ok?
bethany and her roommates called me from some bar in savannah tonight. they kept on passin the phone around. it was cute
she and i hung out a lot last summer when we were both stranded in virginia. we’d go hang out in a field by the airport, or drink seltzers (lol) and smoke cigarettes on this weird little dock in her hometown, which is like fifteen miles from where i grew up. bethany is cool. i wish she were still here
I have this maroon hoodie that I got from Uniqlo when I first moved to Oakland, which means it’s about ten years old. It’s heavy duty and really comfortable. I’m always wearing that thing . . . I’ve worn it all over:
I’m wearing it right now!
And sometimes I let cool g-g-girls wear it when they Get Cold:
(Man . . . I went looking, and I think like dozens of my friends have worn this thing over the last decade. Whoa!)
It’s one of my favorite things I own. I hope it lasts forever. I mean, it’s gotta . . .
ANYWAY: I got home a while ago, and Dante wanted to go on a walk, and it’s a little cold out now that the Northern Hemisphere is done equinox’in. So I grabbed my HOODIE, and as I went to swoop it around my shoulders, I smelled something I had not smelled in a long long time, which was the scent of this girl I knew (and loved, duh) many years ago. But how can this be? It wasn’t any sort of fragrance she wore . . . it’s just what she smelled like. Like her natural smell. It was a good smell. Why, fifteen years later, does my hoodie smell like her bedroom and sheets and pillowcases and clothes? Why has my hoodie never smelled like this before? It didn’t this morning when I wore it. And I know for a fact it’s this girl’s exact smell because when I put my hoodie on an hour ago, it knocked the wind out of me, on account of my being reminded of her and missing her so much.
I have many times felt the sadness of having my denim jacket or one of my shirts or my sheets retaining someone’s smell after they’ve gone, and hoping it lasts as long as possible because I missed them. And of course it eventually fades, or you do laundry or whatever, and then it’s erased. But I have never had the experience I had tonight, which is that an ancient phantom scent that I could not possibly reproduce on my own settled on my favorite hoodie. I could have gone the rest of my life without experiencing this again. It’s real spooky. It reminds me of falling asleep holding her in her twin-sized bed pretty much every night the summer I first met her, when we’d get in at five in the morning and cover her windows before the sun came up. Man, I miss that girl.
i’m mostly posting this screenshot of [REDACTED]’s Secret Instagram for the absurdity of posting a screenshot of a screenshot of my own text message. i love it
also i’m big into morse code now, OK??
also kissing rules obviously
At McCune’s behest, I watched REDS (1981) the other night. Warren Beatty wrote, produced, directed, and starred in it. It was nominated for a whole bunch of Oscars and Beatty won best director. (Diane Keaton should have won best actress . . . though hey baby what can you do.) It is an incredible movie. It’s three hours of Warren Beatty hanging out in Greenwich Village and Soviet Russia just after the October Revolution. It’s got Uncle Jack Nicholson and Gene Jacket Hackman in it, for god’s sake. And yet it made no money and has essentially been buried. Man, what a sadness.
ANYWAY: If you get a chance . . . Check It Out. And now I conclude my endorsement of REDS by saying that annoying / kinda pretentious thing I sometimes say, which is that I cannot possibly imagine something like this being made today or ever again. Well, it’s true!
Beatty is a genius. He’s my boy. Love you forever, big dog.