my friends and i are in full agreement when it comes to danny elfman’s “music” lol

I went to New York City because I probably won’t be back there again for some time. I stayed with Monty and her cat Bilbo in Queens, and at night we ventured into Brooklyn to shriek like idiots and drink at dive bars and eat at overpriced restaurants. We also went to a massive cemetery there, and hid beneath tall trees when it started to rain. I got to see Molly a few times . . . and even briefly wore her and Monty’s shirts just for the hell of it. And on my last night there I saw my good friend Tracey, who was giving a talk at a bookstore in Cobble Hill, on account of her being a published novelist now! I took a picture through the window. And then afterwards we all went across the street to Clover Club to celebrate. I caught a midnight bus back down to DC an hour later. I had fun! Anyway here’s the whole thing in chronological order, more or less:

night pain

i keep having dreams about The Russian Girl From LA and it’s making me really sad! i made the mistake of rereading all our old emails last week . . . i hadn’t looked at them in a long time. i can’t believe i lost touch with this extremely interesting person who was my friend. and now i’m just dreaming about this girl, The Russian Girl From LA.

well: i started writing a thing about her. i don’t know why i never wrote it down anywhere before. i’ll post it here in a few days, because of course i will!

now that there is an emma tetris (very rare)

. . . AND in the order in which i met them. wow!

i have returned from new york city

” . . . sometimes i talk about you to my best friend jacky, who i was hanging out with in oakland when i wasn’t hanging out with you – he kind of knows a lot, almost as much as i do. when i visit your blog, he recognizes the markup even if it’s in his peripheral view and asks me what i’m looking for. sometimes i’m looking for something to get angry at, sometimes i look for something to pity, and sometimes i just miss you. sometimes i relate, in some ways i still relate. there is an overwhelming loneliness and paranoia i relate to partially. for me, it’s really exaggerated, cartoonish. i think that’s why i told you you’re a cartoon once . . .”

from an old email a cool girl sent me a long time ago now

josé benlliure