Everybody is looking for someone who can stand up in the wind. It is lonely standing up and crowded lying down. I refuse to be an anchor for other people’s dreams—but then I refuse to anchor mine to anyone else. So I have no choice but to stand up and piss into the wind.

i love oakland. i miss my friends

just another freak, in the freak kingdom (etc)

i’m at this house in salt lake city, and earlier tonight i went out back because it was so nice and warm outside. and blowing through the yard from where i don’t know was a perfume i had not smelled in many years. it reminded me of my older sister tara. and i felt like crying

wow . . . i watched 8½ the night before i left the bay to come to tennessee, and man, what a film . . . definitely one of the greatest anyone has ever made. and though i hate to admit it, i gotta say: i’m definitely the main dude guido, and not necessarily in a good way. yeah. it was sobering to identify with a guy like that.

anyway: highest recommendation!! Check It Out™ sometime

elephants are amazing!! they’re one of my favorite animals. i hope i get to meet one someday

i’m not stoned btw

i just like elephants lol

it is 3 am and i’m chugging black coffee and blasting nirvana as i cross the north carolina state line towards asheville, having rocketed out of tennessee at about a hundred miles an hour

yes: PEAK STARSAILOR, you might say. it is a fine night for the chocolate-peanut-butter swirl of mindless depravity and bad craziness, and as it happens i run the franchise on both

my good friend and donut farm alum megan beard, who made a cameo appearance earlier in this post, was once an asheville native, and she says she can’t remember any street names where all the cool stuff is. she says it was “seven years and four whiskey shots ago” since she had any use for concrete directions, which is very much a megan beard thing to say, god love her

so i’m gonna get into town, rip around for a while, get some more coffee, avoid the cops, and then hit the highway again before the sun rises. they’ll never know what hit em until they check the security footage monday morning and find plenty of evidence that a skinny vampire creep in all black climbed on stuff and pissed on the sides of buildings in a sort of manic daze

megan says there are crystals beneath asheville that control everyone there. i believe it

man, i miss megan beard. she and all the other people i knew there are gone now. what a bummer. but also: what else is new? everyone is gone from everywhere, these days

. . . and oh! dear anna is gone too!! we had fun one summer, but that was a long time ago now

yeah well, what else can you do other than go it alone and see what happens

the night ain’t got me yet, so i guess i’m about to find out!!

happy birthday pallas!!! 💜

is anyone else entombed in an endless sea of ice?? and filled with shame and remorse for their mistakes of the past which were made in weakness?? and wanting now only to rectify and apologize for these transgressions so as to bring goodness to the world where there had been harm before???

i know i sound like an ingmar berman film but, i mean, i really am sorry. . . ! i was such a fool and often a jerk. it doesn’t matter that the hurtful things i’ve done were unintentional. i still did them and am responsible for it all. i just don’t wanna be like that anymore, you know??

what do you need? what can i do to help????