16 May 2019

(addressing the crowd gathered for his execution at the olde palace yard) “AT THIS HOUR MY AGUE COMES UPON ME. I WOULD NOT HAVE MY ENEMIES THINK I QUAKED FROM FEAR.”

(upon seeing the executioner’s axe) “THIS IS A SHARP MEDICINE, BUT IT IS A PHYSICIAN FOR ALL DISEASES AND MISERIES. . . .”

(head resting upon the place where the axe should soon fall) “STRIKE, MAN, STRIKE!”

13 May 2019

Looking at the stars always makes me dream, as simply as I dream over the black dots representing towns and villages on a map.

Why, I ask myself, shouldn’t the shining dots of the sky be as accessible as the black dots on the map of France?

Just as we take a train to get to Tarascon or Rouen, we take death to reach a star. We cannot get to a star while we are alive any more than we can take the train when we are dead. So to me it seems possible that cholera, tuberculosis and cancer are the celestial means of locomotion. Just as steamboats, buses and railways are the terrestrial means.

To die quietly of old age would be to go there on foot.

vincent van gogh to his brother theo from a book i bought a long time ago

(alayna this sounds like something you and i would talk about in a letter lol)

13 May 2019

Dude . . . H.G. Wells wanted his epitaph to read:

I TOLD YOU SO.
YOU DAMNED FOOLS.

Lorrrrdddd that rules.

13 May 2019

it was beautiful out last night, so i went on a long walk through north oakland. near my old house on marshall, a street cat came up to me and meowed and rubbed his head against my leg. i bent down to pet him and he jumped on my shoulder. i hung out with him for 15 minutes and then he jumped off and cleaned himself and i walked home.

13 May 2019

man i woke up today and, remembering this:

. . . i was like “ok i’m going to answer love / dating advice on instagram because who cares” . . . and i did! i had a real good time. you can see all of them here~

instead of being jokey about it, i decided to do it straight for the most part. i think i pulled it off. i tried, anyway~

😮

thanks cera!!!

13 May 2019

I AWOKE FRIDAY MORNING to a text from my friend Victoria in Ontario. She wrote to me about a dream she’d had:

I had such a thorough dream about you! I got off a trip through Latin America and you were living in this massive old house near the waterfront, no other neighbours really, stockpiled bikes in the back. There were many rooms and these two women drifted through the house often, one with long light hair the other with short dark hair. You yourself were often never to be found. I slept on this sprawling couch with a gold blanket, am pretty sure there was an orgy room somewhere, and once was in the backyard and saw these two women standing on your bedroom window sill, dressed in red leather. You were kind of vacantly hanging back and looking out into the night. Thanks for helping me find a bike to ride into town 🤡

This is not so much a dream but a premonition. Uh . . . minus the orgy room. No!!!!! Can you imagine what that room would smell like??

Though yes: It has been my dream for a long time to start a doomsday cult where we “worship” stars and geometric shapes and death, and so on. But in reality I just want to get a huge house or a warehouse in Germany and chill with my friends until the sun absolutely sets on Time itself. I will absolutely make this happen. It is my singular purpose in this life . . . my White Whale!

You’re welcome for the dream bicycle from the dream backyard of my dream fortress. Just go ahead and keep it, baby!!!

10 May 2019

Well: Along with my spirit-sisters Laura and Monty, I went to South Lake Tahoe and Reno, Nevada over the weekend. Tahoe was so nice . . . I had not been there in many years. Reno on the other hand was a miserably stupid cartwheeling freakshow straight to hell, which makes it sound way more exciting than it actually is. It is more like a Mars crater filled with dog turds and cigarette butts . . . but maaaaannn we sure did go ahead and have ourselves a good ol time anyway. I’m going to write about it tonight, after I sort through the hundred or so pictures the three of us collectively took. And I reckon Laura and Monty have actual film to develop, and so on. Hmm.

ALSO:

Laura and I are going to Europe this summer. We’re either going in July or early August and might meet up with Monty depending on where she is. We’re gonna fly into London and stay with uhhhh yeah 💜 someone I know, and then make our way over to Berlin. Hello? Belgian friends? What if we passed through? Can we sleep on the grass behind your house?

AND:

See y’all in Los Angeles next weekend. Yes??? OK~

LISTEN: I got a lot to say. I have written and created all these things to put here, and they’re like 85-90% done. I just need to finish them, for god’s sake! Lord . . . I don’t know what happened, but I’ve been real prolific recently. If I ain’t makin stuff I’m riding my bicycle or rollerskating with a tall pink-haired alt girl!!! I love it.

OKBYE

07 May 2019

HELLO

In anticipation of the new shit I’m about to finally post on my store, I have reduced the price of my GRITT CALHOON novella-thing I wrote some time ago and heavily revised at the tail-end of my miserable year in Portland. It is of course mind-numbingly dumb, but maaaaan I love that sort of stuff. My friend McCune once said, to paraphrase: “It is pure and beautiful.” He is I think the only person who has ever liked it enough to tell me so.

You know: I actually recorded the audiobook when I revised this thing. I had mono and my voice sounded weird (in a bad way) so I didn’t use it. I recently rerecorded it, so I’ll send it out when I cut it down a little.

Anyway: Please buy this thing. How are you going to continue to live your life knowing you’re missing out on this:

“Shit’s lookin’ good, man,” he said to Gritt, who was loading two M136 AT4 anti-tank rocket launchers. “We gunna give these boys hell, that’s fer damn sure. Just seein all this fuckin shit again is gettin the blood flowin in my big ol yew-know-what.”

“It’s a purdy sight, no doubt about it,” said Gritt. “We have built ourselves a fortress of death, and it is from this place that we shall once again ferry the souls of our enemies to their fiery beds below.”

“Amen,” said Shark. He scratched his balls from outside his pants with a chicken bone and bit his bottom lip. He was in an inquisitive mood.

“Hey Gritt,” he said. “If’n ya could have two penises, would ya want one on top’a the other, or would ya want ‘em side-by-side?”

Gritt pondered this for a moment.

“This might sound controversial,” said Gritt, “but I reckon I’d prolly want ‘em side-by-side.”

“Yeah?” said Shark. “Whyzat?”

“‘Cuz I’d rubberband ‘em together to make one big ol superwiener.”

Gritt saw Shark smile a little. “Whatchu smilin ‘bout, boy?” he said.

“Nuthin. Jus thought it was cool that we had the same thought process. Superwiener’s definitely the way to go. The logistics of the pinkn-stink combo makes my fuckin head spin. Hell, I’d almost rather do fuckin long division,” said Shark, who pretended to know what long division was.

Click on either of the images below to help me pay my electric bill:

THANKS!!