My sister and my friend Isabel and I walked to the grocery store at sundown . . . the temperature was perfectly warm, like the kind of warm where you can’t feel your own body in it. And the sky was yellow and pink and blue and there were hardly any people on the sidewalks. If you stopped and stood still, it was almost completely silent out. The sky darkened and warm air blew through the streets as if just before a rainstorm. I said to my sister that everything had that dreamlike feeling just then. It was so strange. There wasn’t anything ominous about it, just a sort of calmness. Nothing was wrong. Anyway, many hours later, the strange feeling I felt has persisted. It’s 5:45 am and I’ve covered the windows and I’m excited to go to sleep because I want to dream. Everyone keeps asking me about Poland and I keep thinking about Poland. I’m going to Belgium the weekend after next. After that I don’t know. I need to wake up tomorrow and finish this long letter I have been writing and finally mail everything I have on my desk. I need to hang curtains and buy a huge rug for my living room. I need plants and things to hang on the walls as well. What if a girl came in and saw that I have no plants and nothing on the walls yet? She’d think I was a total loser!

Tonight I started watching the THREE COLOURS trilogy . . . I’m going to finish the other two over the next two days. I was pretty moved by the first one. I myself am also in a “drag a bare knuckle across a brick wall on purpose until it bleeds” phase in my life, so I got it immediately. Man, it was really good. Kieślowski was the master.

Though yeah: I really ought to sleep. I feel so odd. I feel a way I have not felt in a long time.