The whole world is trying to sell you a vacuum cleaner, so to speak. The unseen and unfeeling faces which govern the money-go-round have gotten very good at figuring out how to convince you to give them all your money. Doesn’t that fill you with a primordial loathing?

But what if you need something and haven’t got any money to give? What if you’re going on a trip and need someone to hang out with your cat? Or a date so you don’t show up to your cousin’s wedding alone and feel like a total loser? Or some private investigation to scope out if your new crush is a complete psycho?

Just enlist me to do that stuff! Within reason, I’ll come to you wherever you are and help you. I’m a free agent and can go anywhere whenever I want, so I may as well go where help is needed. And the thing is: I don’t want anything in return. Whether you’re my friend or a total stranger, I will do what you ask of me for free. Wow! What a bargain.

Fill out the form below and let me know what I can do for you. Give me as much notice as possible so I can get to you on time. OK? And then I will miraculously appear before you, as if you had you summoned a genie.

(Maybe I ought add testimonials here simply because it would be funny. Let me ask around . . .)