i am staying in my friend cecelia’s apartment in bay ridge and i am alone . . . the building is old and has creaky wooden floors. i’m lying here in her bed feeling a little sad, and i kept hearing these little creaking noises that are of course just the radiator or her neighbors walking around upstairs. but deep down in some part of me, whenever i hear little house noises like that, i always think it’s dante padding through the house to come join me in bed. i remember the feeling of lying in the dark in bed in any of the places we lived together and hearing those noises, and then hearing my bedroom door open just a little as he used his head to push it open . . . and moments later hearing his four paws land on the comforter after he jumped onto the bed to lie down next to me. i can’t think of a more comforting sound than dante purring in the dark beside me as we fell asleep together. no one has ever loved me so totally like dante did, nor have i loved someone as much as i loved dante. we were together nearly every day for 16 years, which was the entirety of my adult life. i still struggle to live without him. i don’t know how. and it’s little things like the noises i hear at night that creep up on me and remind me how horribly alone i feel without my little brother.