Years ago, when the world was still beautiful, when man and beast lived in perfect harmony here upon God’s green earth, there was a streaming service called FilmStruck. It combined Turner Classic Movies with The Criterion Collection. Basically, you could stream hundreds (if not thousands) of films that you might call culturally / historically / artistically significant. Back then I was (and remain still) an unmarried and childless adult who often felt life to be a senseless terror, so of course I signed up as soon as they announced it. Over the course of two years, I chewed through a metric ton of everything they ever put on there. It was a source of happiness for me . . . I could always count on finding something on FilmStruck that completely ripped my mind in half and made me remember that LIFE CAN BE BEAUTIFUL. And each month they would cycle out movies for other ones, and put them in themed collections to honor certain directors or genres or holidays, or whatever else, making it a sort of all-you-can-eat buffet of curated movies . . . an endless cavern of precious stones. It was great! (The only downside was the Apple TV app did not have dark mode. The backgrounds were white, for god’s sake . . .)
Anyway: FilmStruck lasted from November 2016 to November 2018. I seem to recall directors like Scorsese pleading that people subscribe, so delicate was its existence . . . but I reckon it ended up being super niche. By the time they killed it off, there were only 100k subscribers in the whole world versus however many hundreds of millions Netflix had. I was real bummed out when I heard the news. Some of the movies they had on there were essentially impossible to find elsewhere, even to torrent . . . many were over a hundred years old. I watched as many movies as I could leading up to the night they shut the server down, but of course shut it down they did. All those movies vanished into the abyss which is prepared for the devil and his angels. Soon after the world descended into darkness, and I along with it.

MONTHS LATER . . .
. . . Criterion themselves came down like a bolt of lightning to heal the world, announcing they were going to start their own streaming service called The Criterion Channel. Thought I: “Wow!” Still a professional loser with no reason to live, I signed up right away. In addition to getting a reduced annual fee (I pay $89.99/yr versus $99.99/yr like the rest of you freaks . . .), they also sent me this thick metal charter subscriber card. It weighs like a pound:


Since then, I have watched probably a thousand movies on The Criterion Channel. In the darkest moments of my life, when I feel the abyssal lair growing nearer, I’ll remember it exists, and go a-browsing. And lo: more often than not I’ll get lucky and find something truly moving that rekindles the light which burns within the deepest wellsprings of my being . . . and thus I AM HEALED BY CINEMA. It is a beautiful feeling.
Last week, on April 8th, I received an email which I will now share with you. Apparently it has been six years since The Criterion Channel launched:

April 8th! Of course! The date which is writ eternal upon my membership card. So it has been six years after all. Well, there it is if y’all want it: a referral code for a whole free month. Take it and run, for all I care.
I watch something on The Criterion Channel at least three or four nights a week. If they put up a themed collection called “Neo Noir” or “Hitchcock for the Holidays”, you better BELIEVE I’m watching every single god damn movie they got in there. But my favorite thing to do is a thing I started doing during the pandemic, which is to go in completely blind. I’ll just choose something based on the title or the thumbnail or the genre (“Czech New Wave”?? OK!) and watch it without having the slightest clue what it’s even about. I don’t dare read the synopsis! Some of the best movies I’ve ever seen in my life I found this way. It feels like finding a Christmas present under the couch. I highly recommend it~
Anyway, get in there. Thank me later. Criterion in general seems to be pretty popular these days . . . they do those Criterion Closet videos with celebrities and all that, and a bunch of people watch that stuff. I still buy their Blu-rays because I’m an unmarried and childless adult who lives alone and stays up till 5 am, but everyone knows physical media sales are in decline . . . AND SO it is important to support streaming services like this so that they do not suffer the same fate as FilmStruck. Because let’s face it: pretty much everything outside of Criterion and MUBI and Kanopy fucking sucks. And that’s putting it mildly!
Take a look at what is like a quarter of my watchlist on CC, some of which I keep in there because I love them so much:






Listen: This is not a plug, but rather a case for your very soul. I am your Movie Friend. Join me. Step into the light. Take off your bib and turn your back on the sky-high baby food machine that is essentially every other streaming service. OK? YEAH!!!