look what came in the mail lol
the other night i was about to watch HOUSE OF BAMBOO on the criterion channel when i noticed something was off . . . so i emailed them!
haaaah! those beautiful sons of bitches fixed it immediately!!
luv2help
my best friends
i hang on to old voicemails like they’re sacred artifacts. and sometimes in the middle of the night i’ll listen to some of them and feel a sort of sadness because i miss that person
tonight i went through and deleted ones that were left by people who are gone forever. i listened to each of them a half dozen times, over and over, and then wiped them from the face of the earth. i had to or else i’ll go insane and keep feeling haunted. deleting them was soul-crushingly miserable and it annihilated me. time to go to sleep
this will surprise exactly no one but i really do have nightmares every single night and it sucks
i wake up in a sort of psychological terror
well, what can you do
i wrote this one winter night in berlin, a week or so before my birthday, when i was living in neukölln and missing everyone back in oakland
it’s melodramatic of course, but it still rings true and it hurts:
If it’s not fun it’s not worth doing . . . and I know that if I stopped believing in myself then there will be no one left to believe in me, and I’d finally vanish. I miss these people who are gone. Do they miss me too? The worst feeling in the world is knowing you never meant as much to that other person as they did and still do mean to you. It can’t have all been for nothing, though grimly I know now that it was. It had to end, and it did. Time bottlenecked into this and left me here alone on the other side. Where are you now? Have you left me the last of the dum dum daze? Where are you now when I need your noise? The walls close in and I need some noise.
i have got to get out of this fucking city as soon as possible lol
two of my favorites
man i love big star
won’t you tell me what you’re thinking of?
would you be an outlaw for my love?
if it’s so, well let me know
if it’s no, well i can go
i won’t make you
yeah lol
starsailor prevails!!
