I have applied for a lot of jobs in the last three months. I have mentioned before that I got pretty far along before they sliced me in half with the “thanks but no thanks” scimitar. I’m talking dozens of emails back and forth to the point where the job was either going to go to me or one other “candidate.” In some cases they told me just that: “We went with the other candidate. But we did enjoy your application and encourage you to apply again in the future.”

There was occasion where I learned exactly who they hired, because the company actually posted the applicant’s cover letter on their Twitter account. It was actually seriously the worst cover letter I’ve ever read in my life. It was so awful I thought that maybe I should start looking for another planet to live on!!!!

Anyway: My friend Tracey, who works hard and is good at getting jobs, told me that I am probably passed over because I don’t represent the status quo. Uh, I guess she thinks that they perceive me to be someone who would rattle them a little, or something, instead of a dude with wood-framed glasses who just sits catatonically at his desk with his fuckin J. Crew dress shirt buttoned all the way up. Man. I guess that’s why the world sucks, huh? As Al Pacino says at the end of ‘Glengarry Glen Ross’: this is a world of “clock watchers, bureaucrats, and officeholders.”

And Bill Hicks says we always kill the people who remind us that this life is just a ride.

Yeah, dude. Yeah.

It would be cool to earn a steady paycheck but that ain’t in the cards. Too much of a wild card, baby. Oh well!!! Hopefully I’ll be dead soon

I was thinking about the people I know tonight, and how almost none of them are doing OK financially or otherwise. And then I considered the ones who could pay their bills and afford to do anything else other than exist, and realized that only a few of them got there themselves. The others had help from their parents. And no offense to these people. They’re not bad people or anything. But hell, maybe they don’t know what they got. Maybe they do!

It’s popular in America to use the phrase “self-made.” I guess because this was once The Land of Opportunity (lol), it was a big deal to make something come from nothing.

And here’s the thing about me: I am self-made. Everything I have in my life I went out there and got for myself. (And here I will tell you that I am made of garbage, and I have nothing.) I’m just a statistic, dude. Most people are in the same situation I’m in— as are billions of other people on planet earth who have it much worse! I mean, hell, at least I have access to potable water.

But let’s face it, man. Why don’t we cut the nonsense and say what it is for once: If you don’t have rich parents or a trust fund or whatever the hell else saves you from having to do hard manual labor for miserable pay, and you happen to live in the United States: you’re burnt and you’re bust. It’s over, buddy. You got off on the wrong foot and there’s no righting it outside of pure luck. You got too far behind the eight ball and you’re slumming it for the rest of your god dang stupid broke-ass life.

Hey: Just so y’all know, before I started taking supplements, I’m pretty sure I had a severe vitamin D deficiency.

Whoops!!

I am not afraid of death. I am very afraid of this stuff:

• when shampoo and milk and fruits and vegetables have “GLUTEN FREE” written on the label
• watching couples Very Seriously grocery shop / pick out furniture at IKEA and so on
• watching someone pick up an acoustic guitar and then feign emotion while they sing about their feelings

i can’t be the only one who thinks life is a total crock of shit, right

best friends

Syd Mead’s original concept art for ‘Blade Runner’