My problem with Hell is . . . are you really going to punish people who just came from Earth?

My grandmother is my good friend. She is 89 years old and she doesn’t want to be alive anymore.

My other good friend lives alone in an apartment in Chicago. I don’t think she wants to be alive anymore either.

Otherwise who knows.

Nokesville, Virginia, 2:00 a.m.: Two hours into the New Year, driving in total silence I passed a dead black cat laying in the middle of a long lonely stretch of road where no moonlight shone.

“I’m never going to see you again, Ryan.”

“What, yeah you will.”

“No I won’t.”

“OK yeah maybe not.”

i am having a really good time being the only unemployed idiot at square central station

once again i find myself the villain of a party / social gathering

maybe i am also the villain of my own life

(lol)

i am writing this from a bathroom fyi

Not even the 100 miligrams of synthetic whatever can suppress the Mr. Hydeian anguish that is presently chewing away at my sad old brain.

One bit of good news: I no longer need to sabotage anything for myself. Sooner or later something or someone will reliably show up and do that for me.

I feel like the Grim Reaper cracked open my heart like a walnut and threw up inside.