I told Leila to come to NEW YORK CITY for my birthday party (or whatever) two Saturdays from now— with the stipulation that she cannot meet up with some Brooklyn-ass posers who lust for her on Twitter, as she is wont to do. Sorry, I won’t abide the desecration of the most important day of the year (being the day I descended from my perch among the stars to temporarily assume human form until my task is complete).

And let’s just say I got her ass good . . .

(That’s the Leper King from Emperor-King Ridley Scott’s Crusades adventure masterpiece KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, by the way. Movie rules. Just be sure you watch the director’s cut because the theatrical version was butchered by The Suits and is a mere husk in comparison. OK?)