I have been alone for a long time. I was a lonely kid and a lonely teenager. I became a lonely adult. I felt alone even when I was in a relationship.
I have always felt alone around people. I don’t have much to say to anyone. When I listen to people talk I realize they don’t have much to say to me either.
In three weeks I will be twenty-eight years old. I figured I would always be alone. I changed my mind. Or maybe I had my mind changed for me. Something changed anyway. I don’t want to be alone anymore. It took me a long time to realize this but being alive feels totally awful and worthless without having someone else in your life. It has to be a particular kind of someone though. I thought I knew that someone once. She was very good to me and she was decent enough to love me. She disappeared. I thought I would never meet someone like that again but I did. She is very good to me. She loves me. I hope she doesn’t disappear too.