I have only one metric that I absolutely, truly judge people by, which is how they treat other people . . . especially animals, old people, children, service industry types. And I don’t care what the hell you are, not one bit. I either see an idiot or I don’t. I tend to not like dudes, though, for reasons that I will one day totally lay out for myself so I can better understand it. In general I think they smell bad and are scary. Everyone is capable of smelling bad and being scary, but men run a franchise on it.

And now three recurring dreams:

  1. It is dark and bleary and swirling . . . and I am in some sort of stormy oblivion. I am in bed. I am having sex with someone I’ve never met before. It is so dark and so shadowy that I can barely see their face. I look away, I close my eyes, I look at their face again. Now their face is just slightly different. It is not the same person anymore. It is yet another person I’ve never seen before. Their face changes a dozen more times in subtle ways. It is horrifying. I wake up screaming.
  2. I am staring into a mirror in my bathroom looking at all the tattoos I have on my body (I have no tattoos in real life). They are hideous, awful tattoos. They are so stupid that I can’t believe I allowed myself to get them. And they are dark and fresh . . . and some of them are still sore and bleeding around the edges.
  3. I am in a snowy forest in the dead of night. I am punching a tree. My skeleton is made of lead. Every movement I make it slow and painful. I attempt to run away at some point and find that my legs are heavily weighed down and I cannot move. I stand there and let the snow fall down on me.

I am in a nice city and people are friendly to me. I can hardly believe it. I’m going to hide out here until western civilization fails. It is a good base. I will hide in my basement and let people into my heart (lol) and my basement (lol) slowly. I will be alone forever. I will make very little money but have fun anyway.