If I ever hear someone use the phrase “post-[whatever] complex” again I’m going to make a point to outlive them so I can throw up on their grave

That sounds kind of mean, so I probably won’t do it

I don’t want to be mean

But really: I go places with people sometimes, and they make a point to say the worst things to strangers maybe as a way to impress them

We all get that your girlfriend dumped you one time

And as a result you had a lot of time to read some fucking books that other people haven’t read

And you want everyone to know that you have read these books and have memorized passages written inside

For god’s sake, you jerks

Listen: all you need to know is that there are fruits and vegetables and things that contain protein and things that contain fiber

And there are penises and vaginas also

And there is warmth and cold and fear and pain

And even then you don’t need words for these things . . . you either get along with them or you don’t

And if you don’t, you die

It’s OK: you were going to die anyway

And when you die you’re no worse off than anyone else that has ever come before you

Death is a road we’re all on, son