I am at home and my cat is curled up on my lap. I am horribly sleep deprived and my brain is useless. For the last hour I have been listening to voicemails going back as far as 2010. I had an account somewhere which had stored them all for years and years, and today I found it again.

Back then I rarely answered my phone, so people used to leave me voicemails all the time. There are nearly a hundred of them. Some of these people I will never talk to again, but I still have the messages they left me.

There is one from Madeleine on my 23rd birthday. I listened to it five times. The way she says my name is a way no one has said my name since. It’s hard to explain. It’s just something I can hear. The girl loved me is what I’m saying. Jesus. She was great.