All of these things give me pause / make me paranoid when I am viewing The Online Profiles of Strangers:
- usernames containing “-asaurus” or “[name / initials of city currently living in]” or “weed” or “satan” or “pizza” or “tacos” or “zombies” or “aliens” or “666”
- anyone claiming to be “sapiosexual”
- vaping
- smoking hookah
- doing yoga on a beach
- doing any sort of spiritual pose while wearing an expression of total tranquility
- wearing straw fedora
- wearing Stevie Nicks hat
- wearing wide-brimmed black hat that everyone in Los Angeles wears
- wearing most hats
- wearing ironic clothing
- wearing corset
- wearing steampunk clothing
- wearing T-shirt that has the word “vegan” on it
- wearing T-shirt advocating a political candidate no one cared about six months ago
- wearing tape over mouth with something like “capitalism” or “mass media” written over it in Sharpie
- holding a child / being surrounded by children in a small rural village in a developing country
- sitting on a horse
- standing beneath the Eiffel Tower
- standing anywhere in Europe
- standing anywhere in South America
- standing anywhere in Southeast Asia
- posing with / next to a cocktail
- doing that one-hand-on-hip thing that my little sister still does
- wearing aviator sunglasses
- being at a sporting event
- wearing aviator sunglasses at a sporting event
- “witch” tattoos
- face tattoos
- face paint
- clown makeup
- dreadlocks
- huge gauged ears
- juggling things that are on fire
- hulahooping in a cheetah-print leotard on a beach at night
- space-themed leggings
- Lord of the Rings-themed leggings
- wearing most themed leggings
- wearing TOMS
- grey pointy manicures
- wearing small animal skull necklace
- riding a gigantic tricycle at Burning Man
- being at Burning Man
- posing at those corporate party photobooths where they give you silly hats and mustaches and glasses attached to popsicle sticks
- doing that thing where you put hooks in your back and hang from the ceiling
- holding or being in proximity to a banjo
- holding or being in proximity to a ukulele
- standing near a glockenspiel
- standing next to a guy who has a goatee
- doing acrobatics
- holding a Playstation controller
- wearing a Pikachu costume
- wearing an animal costume
- wearing a Halloween costume of a cartoon character who is popular with stoners
- wearing a Halloween costume of Heath Ledger’s The Joker
- posing with DeviantArt-looking guy in Doctor Who costume
- having pictures watermarked by some fedora-wearing doughboy photographer who has a “company” called [First Name] [Last Name] Photography
I will probably amend this in the future. But for now, there you go. Yikes!!!
