i walk into empty rooms and drive by empty houses where i used to live and where my friends used to live

i don’t know any of those people anymore

i cry in the car

the mailman stopped next to me at the red light sees me

i cry in public places in front of everyone

i cry in the checkout line

i drive by the places where my cats are buried

i park in the cemetery where my friends are buried

i go to the field near my old house, way out there, by the tree where M and i talked ten years ago, and i start screaming

i wonder what makes me so disposable

i come home and hold dante and open a bottle of the blood of christ

i would give just about anything for someone to touch me right now

i’ve earned a few favors, can’t you just put your arms around me

please don’t leave me alone like this

i loved and cared about you all very much

i would have done anything if you’d asked me to

i hope you know that