Once I met a lady from Los Angeles and she told me she wanted to come to my house and meet my cat and sit by a fire in my backyard

I didn’t know why she wanted to do those things, but I told her she could

I figured it would be nice, or whatever

See, she had good taste and was ten feet tall and had a cat and lots of plants

She told me she wanted our cats to be friends

But there was a bluegrass festival in Golden Gate Park, and she went to that instead

I didn’t hear from her after that; it must have been a really good bluegrass festival

And so she never got to meet my cat

And so she never got to sit by a fire in my backyard

A week later I was at an Apple Store in Pleasanton feeling like a rusted-out oil drum full of dead gophers and there she was on a god darn iPad advertisement hung up above a row of computers

Man that was so weird