The only reliably true thing I could say about myself is “that won’t work on me”

Twenty-six god damn years old and I sit alone in a room glowing with Christmas lights while blood rushes through my head to power a stupid thing that doesn’t want to be a thing at all

I’m going insane over here because I can’t get anything to affect me

I am unaffected

Please! For god’s sake! It’s imperative that I process something, anything, instead of shrugging it off

Nothing penetrates!

Nothing moves me!

I am held together with tape and twine

A couple of garbage bags molded into the shape of a human being and fooling no one

None of us are going to heaven. They’re going to hose off whatever’s left and it’s down the drain we go—to that starless place where no moonlight glows.

I would rather listen to an elephant choke to death on its own vomit than go outside again

And I love elephants

What a god damn screaming carnival of mutant dogshit this place is

I have been twenty-six years old for two hours and nine minutes

A year ago today my girlfriend got mad at me and I went on a bike ride by myself and came home and listened to War Elephant

Tonight my friends came to see me at my house and sat around by the fire

Tracey made me a cake

Ryan bought me a six-pack

Neil gave me a hug

A girl I barely know came into my bedroom and played with my cat