I haven’t slept for more than four hours in weeks and weeks and weeks and I can see spiderweb creases forming beneath my eyes and I’m gaunt as hell and I think a lot of people I used to know believe I’m dead and in an arctic volcano somewhere

God, women

Talk about getting the short end of the stick for the entire fucking duration of human existence

Really: not long now

“If I had known it was harmless
I would have killed it myself.”

Santa Monica, 11:35 a.m. . . . Jack and I have awoken on the couch of our friend Alex, the second time this year. His girlfriend made us coffee. I drank it out of a “Lucky Brand” mug and, when I was finished, exclaimed, “Now that’s some god darn good coffee you got here.” She said, “It was the kind that was on sale.” I said, “The kind that’s on sale is the best kind.”

I checked my bank account and saw that a few hundred dollars were deposited overnight . . . must be payday. Immediately I used these pathetic funds to chip away at the massive amount of debt I’m in. Lord, I guess I’m going to be doing this exact ritual for some time. And when I’m not I’ll still be poor, but a little less poor, and that certainly couldn’t hurt.

Today we venture back to North Hollywood, and then tonight I plan to see my friend Amy in Silver Lake. Maybe it will be a mistake, going there. But maybe it will be real nice. Who the hell knows anymore~

I am happiest (or just plain happy at all) when I am lying on my mattress under the glow of many purple Christmas lights and Dante jumps down from the window and walks over to me and curls into a ball on my chest and we breathe at the same time while not thinking about a god damn thing

I’m so tired I feel like I might die and I can hear a train whistle somewhere far away but who the hell knows if it’s real or not

Time weighs heavily on us now . . . we have nothing but the old songs to keep us company