Laura is so cool! She made a flag for our house—and then made it into a painting! Which is in our house! On our purple couch!

Yeah!!

I said to Laura yesterday: “Money ain’t real. It’s just fun points—an air-thin cushion between me and ruination.”

And to Jason I said this tonight: “I deeply regret ever having a girlfriend.”

Just now I said this to absolutely no one at all: “Yeah baby!!!!!”

A woman came into the cafe at 8 am. I was standing by a window looking out at the Berkeley Hills. They were partially hidden behind a thin layer of fog. The sky was grey.

She said, “What were you watching out there?”

I said, “Not a single god damn thing.”

RYAN STARSAILOR
☆ミ
1988–2023
“It all seemed real enough—except when it didn’t”

I moved into a new house in North Oakland and it’s the best place I’ve ever lived

Happy birthday, dude

Wild at heart and weird on top, baby!!!

They’ve made paying for stuff so easy

People are celebrating how easy it is to be parted with their money

I don’t have any money at all, so I am not celebrating

I’m starving!

Sometimes I dream of Texas, but then I remember the note I wrote to myself three days after I moved to California, about that time having ended forever

It’s true— me from the past is right

If I were to ever go back it would be a cheap carbon copy of a great thing that died a long time ago

Virginia too

There is no other option than to go it alone into that dark future

Or lie down on the beach and be eaten by birds

There’s a part in ‘A Scanner Darkly’ where Bob Arctor wakes up in the middle of the night and roams his empty black house, saying, “What happened? How’d I get here?”

“. . . ugly things, and surprising things, and sometimes little wondrous things spill out at me constantly, and I can count on nothing.”

Well: I have done this and have felt this way every night of my life for a decade now

The end