starsailor, you ghoul

i think i have finally figured it out:

people only really talk to me when they’re lonely (probably because they know i’m always awake)

and then when they don’t feel lonely anymore they stop talking to me

My good friend

He had imagined her a fool like all the rest of them, her head stuffed with lies and hatred, her belly full of ice.

(1984)

Ryan [Starsailor]: Polarizing Human! Some like him, many greatly dislike him!

What on earth will this idiot say next? And when will his alien race swoop down and take him home??? (Why is he here in the first place?????)

This is my friend Rachel at her gallery opening last week. Rachel is amazing and beautiful and I love her.

If you look closely, you can find me!

I think a good way to inquire if your partner has any sexually-transmitted diseases is to say “Is it all quiet on the western front?”

this is dumb as hell, but it makes sense to me at least:

in one of the early 90s x-men comics (“fatal attractions”), magneto uses his magnetic-field-controlling powers to rip out the adamantium coating on wolverine’s skeleton. it surges out of his open wounds. he nearly dies. it takes all of his healing factor to recover. in fact i think jean grey and xavier have to help him along. (xavier stops him from “going toward the light.”)

anyway: it is later revealed that the adamantium was poisoning wolverine all along. his body was constantly fighting off the effects of the poison, and so it weakened his healing factor and his animal instincts. without the adamantium on his bones, wolverine can run and jump and heal faster.

i was diagnosed as bipolar II a long time ago. most of my life is spent feeling completely miserable. sometimes i feel really good. still, there is a fifty percent suicide rate for people who are bipolar II. that’s a hell of a number right there!

am i saying that being bipolar is like fighting off adamantium poisoning? i guess so. it really does feel as though i am constantly warding off some sort of poison in my system. truly i use most of my resources just to stay alive! forget about all the other stuff, like eating and sleeping and going to work—and having dreams for the future and all that. i’m talking about just being there from one second to the next.

i have watched this illness wear on me. there is evidence of it in my face. but hell, i’m alive for now, for whatever that’s worth.

lol ok good-night y’all

everyone i know is either paired up or dead