i don’t know what to say after someone tells me which “house” they would be in in the harry potter world

i have no idea what i’m supposed to do with this sentence

this happens so often i thought it warranted a post from me

no offense to harry potter fans. it’s definitely ok if those books resonate with you and you enjoy them

but you may as well tell me what your favorite color of balloon is

also:

you know war & peace exists right

the count of monte cristo is available wherever books are sold

like you could go buy those too

you can quote me on this: i would honestly rather eat my own balls than play jenga

gonna work seven days a week and live in my sad rust cohle apartment

sell my computer

pay off my credit card

put away a lot of money

study german again

and then i’m moving to austria to be with my family and the whole world can blow me

i look around, man

so many people

who is going to love all these people

(who is going to love me?)

all these people

and they all want dignity

that or the other thing

and god knows what that even is

this is a wall in austin

first thing i’m doing when i get off the plane is taking a jackhammer to it

don’t you ever tell me what to do, wall

hand to god: first thing i’m doing when i wake up tomorrow is buying two bottles of shit red wine and a copy of ‘moby-dick’ from the used bookstore. and then i guess i will sit down in an easy chair and eviscerate as many human emotions that i still have left.

i have been emailing my zen master (lol) in boston. i asked him how i can totally strip myself of any personality or at least never feel pain again.

you come here for the big weird dark heavy stuff, right? well grab a spoon, baby. it’s all-you-can-eat here in starsailor country.

three scenarios that would convince me to keep living on this morally- and spiritually-bankrupt ball of trash:

1. i move to a remote village in the mountains of japan. my memory is wiped. i raise fish. nobody ever talks to me again.
2. i have a magical car with an unlimited tank of gas. i stay at a different hotel every night and eat at diners. eventually i park somewhere and die.
3. i somehow have enough money to buy a huge boat. not a fancy sailboat. like a piece of shit whaling vessel. i find a crew of insane but loyal men. we ride out into oblivion and are never heard from again.

currently very upset that you can’t will the body into cardiac arrest

i’m still thinking about it but i’m probably going to pull the plug on both of my websites tomorrow

i don’t want to look at them anymore

maybe i’ll get over it though

well it’s 8:30 p.m. and it’s snowing outside and i don’t sleep and i can never stop my brain and i definitely absolutely sincerely wish i were dead