Hey I made a new website. Or rather I came up with it and prototyped it (lol) two years and never did anything with it. Two of my friends and I wrote all the things you see up right now. My plan was to write like a hundred of these and then release it into the wild, but I guess I’m just going to go ahead and shoot it out into space right now! It is called DEAD TYMES and it is entirely made up of newspaper scraps from a dark apocalyptic hellscape of a future. Here:

I’m gonna do one every other day, unless I feel like doing one a day. I will probably write one every day now that I think of it . . . I’ll just wake up and bang one out. I actually already have ideas for like fifty more, which I have written down on a piece of paper that has hearts all over it that I found in my grandmother’s house. I am also employing several other secret writers, but hell, I ain’t gonna tell you who they are!

Another secret is that maybe I accept submissions?? Maybe!

Anyway tell me what you think!!!

Baby Toots!!!!

i like my coffee black, my toast halfway burnt, and my nightmares to be screaming black vortexes where fell creatures fill my polluted brain with dark prophesies of things to come

as long as i live i will never understand people who feel the need to be loud in the morning

my open hand is facing upwards, the thing falls into my hand, i close my hand, i twist my wrist, my closed hand is facing downwards, i open my hand, the thing drops away

for real though, you’re all just pissin in the wind

At this point I don’t really want to leave. It was real weird and difficult for the first two or three weeks, but I could honestly go on like this for the rest of my life, or at least for a very long time. I have been working a lot on things I hadn’t touched in years. I have finished almost all of them. Dante’s here. I have a month’s supply of tea and coffee and no one tells me what to do. I don’t know man, it’s pretty cool.

Tonight I walked for about ten miles around my hometown. I went through the hospital parking lot to get to dark neighborhoods to get to Old Town . . . I walked to my old elementary school, passed a few cemeteries, looped around to the county courthouse, and then all the way home. I didn’t see a single person that whole time. It was great.

I’m flying to California next week. Dante and I are going to stay there for a little while. Then I have what I reckon you might call some plans. Man, I got nothing against California, but I don’t want to leave this place. I mean I’m living in a bizarre dimension where time doesn’t exist any longer, and I have no one to talk to except my cat and myself, but I’m having me a good old time and I don’t want that good old time to mutate into the same old damn thing I’ve always had.

Virginia Woolf’s suicide letter:

Dearest,

I feel certain that I am going mad again. I feel we can’t go through another of those terrible times. And I shan’t recover this time. I begin to hear voices, and I can’t concentrate. So I am doing what seems the best thing to do. You have given me the greatest possible happiness. You have been in every way all that anyone could be. I don’t think two people could have been happier ’til this terrible disease came. I can’t fight any longer. I know that I am spoiling your life, that without me you could work. And you will I know. You see I can’t even write this properly. I can’t read. What I want to say is I owe all the happiness of my life to you. You have been entirely patient with me and incredibly good. I want to say that—everybody knows it. If anybody could have saved me it would have been you. Everything has gone from me but the certainty of your goodness. I can’t go on spoiling your life any longer.

I don’t think two people could have been happier than we have been. V.

OK officially declaring right now that my favorite Replacements song is “Swingin Party”

. . . then “Unsatisfied” I think

. . . and “Kiss Me on the Bus”

. . . and the music video for “The Ledge” is one of my favorite music videos