I am at a coffee shop with Matt, and to make a point about something (lol), I said “National Socialist Party” out loud and half the people in here twisted their heads around to stare at me.

Today I received an envelope addressed to Ryan Starsailor. It was postmarked in North Carolina and had no return address. Inside was a blank card containing $50 in cash.

I immediately drove to the grocery store and bought strawberries and blueberries and rice and black beans and quinoa and green tea.

Whoever you are: Thank you. I love you. You’re beautiful~

☆ミ

i wonder whatever happened to violet

i used to leave letters in her mailbox in the middle of the night

DID YOU KNOW: The logo of this very website was inspired by ‘Citizen Kane’ and ‘Another Green World’???

my friend laura

my dad and his animals

It was incredibly heartbreakingly stupid of me to leave my house in Oakland. I cannot undo it, either. I miss those two people so much. I am in a stupid city with no friends and have that godawful combination of being incredibly sad and incredibly broke, both of which feed into each other are yet are mutually exclusive sometimes as well.

What I should have done was pay my rent for the whole month of December and gone home for a few weeks. Then I could have come back to everything. And now Laura has moved out, and I have moved out, and our bedrooms are taken and there’s no going back to it. I moved away from my whole life. The life I have now is as empty as a god damn cicada shell.

My friends are in California. Being here is an astronomical waste of my time. What do I do???

I’m not trying to be funny or cute or whatever when I say that this is one of the most accurate depictions of Being Human there ever was~~

And, again, with total sincerity I say this: I do this every night of my life. Which is to say I actually sit in a chair and hold my face in my hands and feel whatever bad feelings go along with that. Yeah! Chew on that, you geeks.