talk about Summing Up The Whole Thing, huh

(‘one wonderful sunday’ is a real good film by the way)

For Christmas my mother’s boyfriend sent me some Southwest credit.

So: I’m going to Los Angeles for my birthday to do absolutely nothing except drive around and eat alone at diners.

Except! Laura Rokas says she’s coming, so maybe I’ll be driving around (with Laura) and eating (with Laura) at diners. Hey! That sounds cool~

I am going to be 29 god dang years old. At 11 p.m. on the 25th I am going to drive (with Laura!) to Santa Monica and drink a whole bottle of wine (with Laura!) beneath the pier there—with the psychadelic rainbow-colored ferris wheel spinning round and round overhead!!!

And then eventually I’ll sober up and find something else to do. . . .

. . . with Laura!!!

(If you’re gonna be around, let me know~~)

“are you straight?”

“i don’t know. maybe.”

“are you gay?”

“nah. probably not.”

even when i was seven years old i knew that this little sign was real good

two days ago i got an email from a woman in scotland who i knew years ago and who i had not heard from in some time. it was a very long email. she said, in many words, that she considered us friends, and that if i wanted to come to scotland i should.

a few hours later i got an email from my friend in oakland who a few years ago i had had a falling out with. she said she was watching a movie and it reminded her of me, and she wished we were still friends. i was sitting at my computer when i got this email. i replied immediately. maybe five minutes had elapsed since she had hit send when i was hitting send on my own email. i told her she was still my friend and that i loved her very much. it made me happy to be able to say that to her again.

i had contacted both of these people previously and had not heard back

christmastime, huh

i was thinking about it a few minutes ago, and if 99.99% of the people i knew in the past who went away for one reason or another, whether is was my fault or theirs, or whatever, were to reach out to me again and ask to be friends, i would definitely be their friend again. i would not turn them away. i really have no hate in my heart. it’s true. i love everyone i’ve ever loved just the same as i ever loved them. it doesn’t matter what happened. maybe it’s more complicated for other people, but it isn’t for me

anyway that’s all i have to say

my sister just sent me this

omie is our grandmother

grandpa burks was her husband, who i never met, but who my whole life i have been told i am similar to


“When I was talking to Omie about Grandpa Burks, she said ‘He was never truly happy. I mean, I don’t think he liked being alive for the most part. Kind of like Ryan, ya know?'”

yeah how bout that