16 December 2016

i maybe (definitely) don’t have a lot going for me, but i drink a gallon of water a day, brush my teeth at least twice a day, and i always put on sunblock when i leave the house

13 December 2016

Y’all, before I hit my final form—which is my ‘Mad Max wandering the wasteland with the dead and empty eyes of a man who has seen too much, and who no longer cares about anything other than seeing another sunrise for reasons he cannot fully explain to himself, even though death would be preferable to his miserable savage life’ stage—I am very excited to lurch into my ‘Slightly overweight cigar-smoking Elvis in a karate jumpsuit and sweet sunglasses driving babes around on a huge motorized trike’ stage.

Stay tuned!

12 December 2016

RYAN STARSAILOR
1988–2019
☆彡
‘HERE REST THE BONES
OF A FOOL,
A SCOUNDREL,
AND A LIFELONG LOSER.’

12 December 2016

my great secret dream is for two coworkers at a place i frequent to have a conversation sort of like this:

“ugh. do you ever have to deal with that weird creep who comes in here sometimes? the one who just stands around and talks and talks like he has nothing better to do?”

“which weird creep?”

“the vampiric guy with the gold tooth.”

“oh, god, yeah. that freakin guy.”