Y’all, before I hit my final form—which is my ‘Mad Max wandering the wasteland with the dead and empty eyes of a man who has seen too much, and who no longer cares about anything other than seeing another sunrise for reasons he cannot fully explain to himself, even though death would be preferable to his miserable savage life’ stage—I am very excited to lurch into my ‘Slightly overweight cigar-smoking Elvis in a karate jumpsuit and sweet sunglasses driving babes around on a huge motorized trike’ stage.

Stay tuned!