my nephew gego is back, don’t you know. he’s so cute i want to die. today there was a big thunderstorm and so he hid in my closet. when he finally emerged, he head-butted my bathroom door open where i was taking a bath, leapt up to the sink, and screamed. i guess he wanted to get in the bath with me. fortunately he didn’t. now he’s sleeping soundly on my couch. he’s mad at me because i won’t open the balcony door. well, it’s cold out there!
i mean let’s face it: this is some shit i’m gonna end up doing one day
this is what it feels like to get stoned and watch movies on my gigantic tv every night. i even have a similar rug
noriyoshi ohrai, ‘a dream of a machine called god’
¹And the fifth angel sounded, and I saw a star fall from heaven unto the earth: and to him was given the key of the bottomless pit.
²And he opened the bottomless pit; and there arose a smoke out of the pit, as the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by reason of the smoke of the pit.
. . . I am currently writing a novel where the protagonist is more or less the angel of the abyss by the way lol
Last night I finished the third season of TWIN PEAKS . . . it was my third time watching it. The last time I watched it was with Laura during Christmas break in 2018. I remember we marathoned it in three or four days, which is The Way To Do It and also how I went about it this time. I could not stop watching it. I’d watch three episodes in a row. Man. It is definitely one of the best things ever made, or at least it is certainly one of my favorite things ever. The dude was a master. The fact that he revived his most beloved creation 25 years later, and rather than feeling like some nostalgic cash-grab, managed to expand upon what came before it to the point of becoming essential to the overall story feels like a magic trick. Without THE RETURN, the series feels incomplete. And yet it still leaves you with more questions than answer in that good way, which is incredible. It is absolutely the product of an artist’s total and uncompromising vision and made with utter sincerity and love for all things contained therein. You can tell that everyone who participated in it understood this as well. The fact that within any given scene you’ll find sorrow, fear, horror, absurdism, comedy, romance, something heartfelt, and on and on, all swirled together perfectly is astounding to me. Wow! . . . it was even better than it was the last two times by orders of magnitude, and I already loved it.
It is sad that Lynch is gone now. Obviously this is the first time I’ve seen it since he died, and a lot of the cast has since died too. Some of them died while they were filming, even. And so in that way there was this extra layer of sadness lurking beneath this thing. How could you not get emotional about that? But as far as final statements go, I mean . . . how many artists leave the world with such a strong piece of art? This thing is masterpiece. As Monty put it . . .
☆彡
full moon in seven (7) days
He rose to his feet, looked around him in astonishment as though he were wondering how he had got there . . . He was pale, his eyes were burning, he was suffering from exhaustion in every limb, but suddenly his breathing seemed to grow easier. He felt now that he had thrown off that terrible burden which had been weighing him down for so long, and his soul began suddenly to experience a sense of lightness and peace. ‘O Lord,’ he prayed, ‘show me my path, and I will renounce this accursed . . . dream of mine!’
. . . sounds exactly like me to be honest lol
laura saved this screenshot from long ago and sends it to me once a year. maybe it gives her some encouragement. well, i meant it!
speaking of being a sad girl: when i woke up this afternoon, i felt a despair. it was that heavy murky kind that you just can’t place. or anyway i couldn’t place it. nothing particularly bad has happened to me in a while other than a string of nightmares the last few nights. before that, i had been dreaming nice things or at least neutral things . . . many dreams about my friends and sometimes i have had premonitions. recently i had a dream about a girl i know, and when i woke up to tell her so, she replied right away saying she was actually in berlin for one day only, and would i like to hang out that night? of course i said yes. in the dream i told her i had missed her. i even cried in the dream because of how much i missed her. when i saw her later that night, she kissed me on the cheek, which she had done in the dream. and i hadn’t told her that part. i’ll write about that night soon . . .
i have no residual memory of the nightmare i had last night. i dream every night, and i almost always remember them . . . but with this one, i awoke feeling a sort of vague fear, though i did not know why. the dream had ended and only the bad feeling remained. so what with it being sunday and all, i figured it was all right if i just never turned on any of the lights and take the best antidote for pain i can think of: i watched movies all day. i’m nearly done with the third season of TWIN PEAKS, which is an 18-hour movie, and so i drank a bunch of coffee and ate a bunch of fruit during the six episodes i watched, which constituted six hours of my day. it really did make me feel better.
and then she said the ancient phrase:
yeah . . .
anyway . . . i can see that the sun has come up behind my curtains. i can hear birds in the trees. for we Nighttime Freaks, once you hear the birds, it’s all over. and so saying, i am going to brush my teeth and do my little skincare routine and then pass out on my couch. once or twice a week i sleep on my couch. it’s a different kind of sleep. i like it. here’s hoping that tonight i end up in that landless latitude where nothing hurts and i am visited by good friends. to whoever is listening up there: i beg of you, don’t put me back in the abyss
