full disclosure: i have not eaten meat in over ten years for a number of reasons that i am probably never going to write down

also i’m not going to wear a fucking t-shirt about it either, if you get my meaning

ok:

i think about this sentence sometimes, because it is so pure and beautiful in its ridiculousness

my friend was telling me about her friend, and how her friend had been seeing this guy

“she’s going to dump him because he can’t decide if he’s a vegetarian or not”

when i worked at the little coffee / donut shop in oakland, i would hear people sitting around talking about veganism all the time (the place was all vegan, though we never really even thought about it)

they would talk about how healthy they felt, or how they didn’t understand why other people weren’t vegan, or Where To Go in the bay area to get some “yummy vegan eats”

listen: hain’t nothing wrong with being a vegan. go ahead and do it, man

but if the only thing you have to talk about is how you don’t do something, whoa baby

get on that ASAP

that’s just my advice

(you could swap veganism out for anything by the way)

((p.s. one time my friend at the register was ringing a guy up, and she asked him how his meal was, and he replied: “de–awesome” which i guess is how you say “delicious” if you’re a moron))

(((p.p.s. another time someone was paying at the counter and i heard them describe their meal as “so many noms.” yeah, ok, let’s just go ahead and toss this generation of people who speak in baby-talk into the fucking ocean already)))