I was looking for . . . something just now, I’m sure, when I was digging through archives of “stuff I’ve said to other people” in the last year, but I completely forgot what exactly that something was. And then I stumbled upon a conversation I had with a girl who loved me, I think it was back in May, and after going through the thing I was reminded of a period of my life I had somehow forgotten about. She had asked me, “What’s going on with you? Why do you become so strange at night?” For months I had been alone and was drinking in parks and not sleeping and exploring unlocked buildings at the UT campus while under the influence of various psychotropic substances. So I responded to her with, what I realize now, is a succinct explanation as to why year after year I just don’t feel any better about all of this:
“I can’t relate to anyone and I feel increasingly hopeless.”
So there it is! I guess I will file this away in the back of my brain.