24 January 2016

i would rather be dead than look at

  • a wedding announcement website
  • a designer’s website
  • an illustrator’s website
  • a photographer’s website
  • a horizontally-scrolling website
  • a website where a silly animation appears if you put a cursor over something
  • a website where someone claims to love “travel” and “photography”
  • a website where someone calls themselves a “world traveler”
  • a website featuring a map of the world with dots in all the places someone has been
  • a website with a picture of someone wearing a scarf indoors while smiling and holding a cup of coffee
  • a website with a picture of someone under the age of 40 wearing a non-weather-related hat
  • a website written by someone who lives in Brooklyn
  • a website with a one-line “bio” written in large type using a popular sans-serif font that begins with “Hi.” or “Hello.” or “Howdy.” followed by “My name is [some idiot].” followed by “I make things.” or “I’m working to build a better future.”
  • a website where someone’s bio includes a type of food / beverage they enjoy
  • a website where someone’s bio includes the phrases “cat mom / dad” or “dog mom / dad”
  • a website where someone claims to “love coffee”
  • a website where someone claims to “love pizza”
  • a website where someone claims to “love sushi”
  • a website where someone uses the word “craft” in front of the word “beer”
  • a website where someone “reviews” an alcoholic beverage
  • a website where someone uses the non-word “lifehack”
  • a website where someone discusses productivity techniques
  • a website where someone writes about Silicon Valley in a positive way
  • a website where someone claims technology will save us
  • a website where a venture capitalist-funded for-profit company in San Francisco that produces a fucking iPhone app claims to be doing anything worthwhile for humanity
  • any LinkedIn dot com profile
  • any Medium dot com “article” / “personal essay” (put those in quotes (sick burn))
  • any Twitter account where the person’s profile picture is a professionally photographed portrait of them shot against a white background smiling and wearing a V-neck sweater or a flannel shirt and gazing into nothing with absolutely dead-empty eyes

ever again