I was in the Tenderloin in San Francisco at 6 a.m. today delivering donuts. After dropping the box off I sat down in the van and was about to turn the ignition and drive off. But then a guy rushed out of the coffee shop I had just come from and motioned for me to roll down my window.

I did. He leaned his head into the window. He was perfectly normal-looking.

He said: “Fuck you for making me wear your mother’s panties, and if you ever tell your father I’ll fucking kill you.”

Halfway through “fuck you” I knew it was time to get the hell out of there so I was already starting the engine and putting the car in drive. After he finished his sentence I said, “OK cool thanks” and slammed on the accelerator. I got through the light just as it switched from yellow to red.