it is likely that i am dead, and my punishment for . . . whatever . . . is to be trapped for all eternity in my hometown, which is populated by cardboard automatons who hate me

anyway: my hometown is a cultureless black hole where people go grocery shopping at gas station convenience stores and the olive garden parking lot is always full

here is a strange thing i have noticed: every time i park in a lot, there is always someone just sitting in their parked car next to me staring at their phone while eating a hot dog or a sandwich

i’m serious