i can’t imagine a better way to celebrate 28 years on this earth: hanging out alone 20 minutes before closing in a deserted grocery store that hasn’t been updated since 1989

i think i saw the grim reaper in the dry pasta aisle so i’m going to surrender my hands to him and hopefully he’ll put me in handcuffs and take me home

and if he doesn’t want me, i’ll proceed with my original plan, which is to drive to a barren frozen field on the street where i grew up and stare into total darkness while dipping tortilla chips into a tub of guacamole that had a football on the box.