all day tomorrow i will be celebrating my 28th birthday by drinking terrible beer and watching (what i think are) akira kurosawa’s best movies. dante will be there. i also have 150 teabags and a lot of coffee left over. i will be barricading the front door around 2 p.m. EST—but if you get here before then you can hang out with me and dante and drink tea and / or coffee and watch akira kurosawa’s best movies with us. this is my “birthday party.”

here’s how to get to my house: step over the sinners writhing in the icy slush in the third circle of hell, have phlegyas ferry you across the river styx, make a left at the sealed gates of the doomed city of dis and keep walking. a bunch of demons are going to hassle you but just ignore them. once you hit the seventh circle approach a flaming tomb and tell the heretic inside that you know me and he’ll lead you through the forest of suicides to where i’m camping out (watch out for harpies).

here’s a map if you get lost: