27 January 2016

during my exile from the world i have developed a useful skill (i’m serious)

which is this: i do not let my mind rove! in the past i would recall a shameful memory, or a person’s face or voice, or whatever, even if it was very painful, and i would just sort of hang out and agonize over it inside my head.

well: these things creep up on me you see, i have a lot of time and no one to talk to, and so when they invade my head like smoke beneath a closed door i say (to myself (and sometimes aloud (so lonely))): “nope!” and i make it vanish. it sounds easy but it is very difficult at first.

and see, you really have to teach yourself this sort of thing if you need to be alive to take care of someone or something, which in my case is a 12-pound cat whose food costs $2.85 a can.