Well: I’m almost done with my store. It is beautiful and cool. Maybe it sucks. I don’t know!

I have completely written out the next Gritt Calhoon tale, which is called:


. . . Y’all ain’t ready for this’n. It is alive and hideous inside my brain, and that’s bad news for everybody. It is going to be the first new thing I publish through my little vanity publishing company. They might not let me write anything after this. Maybe . . . maybe I won’t let myself write anything after this!

Now I will briefly tell you what it is about: Gritt is traveling through space in his little one-seater vessel. He’s cruisin around, listenin to some hot tunes, havin himself a heck of a good ol time. For reasons that will be revealed later, he has to make a pit stop on a small asteroid to use a gas station restroom. He discovers that the asteroid is made out of a sort of marshmallow fluff material. Coupled with the low gravity, Gritt, the hardest dude in the galaxy, finds himself in a soft and bouncy world. And it is here he stumbles upon a massive sinkhole. It is truly huge. He jumps inside.

Yeah. What’s inside? Haint’ gonna tell you. All I can say is: hold onto your butts, cuz it’s about to get spooky in here.

Tomorrow (or rather, later this afternoon (it is nearly 6 a.m. don’t you know)), I am going to drive to IKEA (are you supposed to capitalize it?) and get me some soft-serve frozen yogurt. Last time I was there they had a vanilla-stawberry swirl. And before that, a vanilla-mint swirl. Between you and me, the mint was way better. But that’s just one man’s opinion, and really, what do I know.

I think I might buy a lamp, too. Like a $5 lamp. I want to put a lamp on the little apple crate next to my bed and read at night. As it stands I have to go other places to read. It’s driving me nuts. God dang it, I want to read in bed.

What else am I going to do in that rat’s maze of junk? Walk around by myself, maybe listening to music. I’m going to lay on the beds and chill so hard.

Later I am going to walk across the Hawthorne Bridge and hang out downtown. Downtown Portland, like nearly every downtown I can think of, kind of blows. I mean it’s OK. There are some good parks. There is a really good 24-hour diner there and sometimes I go there alone. If you go a little ways west, you’ll hit some nice moss-covered cemeteries. It really is beautiful once you get just a mile or so out of the city. I guess that’s the benefit of this city having rigid boundaries and also being inside this very green and lush state. Hell, there you go.

You know, I was thinking about legally changing my name. I will probably not do this. I figure you either get to change your legal name, or you get a gold tooth. How on earth could I get away with both? I don’t think I could. I am perfectly all right with living inside my own strange orbit, but that’s too much. Maybe I’ll do both eventually. I’ll feel it out. I’ll get that gold tooth and see how I feel about making any other potentially human-alienating changes to my life. What else am I going to do with myself? God only knows, man.